Integration is the bringing together of all parts of us so that we may feel 'whole' or 'complete'. Integration is about tempering the negative Parent, feeding the hungry Child and sourcing the wisdom on how to do this from our Adult.
EXERCISE 1:
Write down all the messages you give out to yourself. The more you listen to yourself, the more you will hear. Just jot them down in your journal and become more aware of them.
EXERCISE 2:
What are you demanding from yourself that the Child part of you is not fulfilling? For example, when I started to listen I discovered that every message I gave myself was critical. I was looking for complete perfection in myself. Decide what is behind your self-criticism and write it in your journal.
EXERCISE 3: AMEND YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF.
In my case, I realized it is not human to demand flawlessness. I am a human being and humans are flawed. Though It has taken me many years to appreciate this in a very profound way, I started the whole journey by amending what I expected of myself and i lowered my demands. This didn't come easy] 1 had to ask others what they expected of themselves. I had to ask others what they thought of my self-imposed goals. I attended a 12-Step group and listened to other people and their method of kicking back' and easing up on themselves. After some months I cautiously began to administer some of this antidote to myself. This helped me because I was allowing myself to be more 'normal' and not the superhuman being that I was scared to let goof. I know now that appearing superhuman was my way of covering up my depression and frailty. It is also a way of keeping others away from me.
By amending our expectations of ourselves, we may begin to raise the anger that has been dormant. This is part of the natural grief process, with the grief being for what we have lost through our self-criticism.
EXERCISE 4:
Taking the negative messages from the first exercise, write next to them a phrase that is nurturing and comforting. Make up Post-it notes, or use codes, and put five of these new messages up around your house or somewhere where you will walk past them and notice them continuously.
For example, the critical messages below now have a new and supportive note below them:
You're hopeless
You are not hopeless, you are feeling down at the moment but it will pass and you will have more energy to 'do stuff
You can do nothing right
You do many things right
Why don't you get off your backside and DO something
You are recovering from depression, which is debilitating; easy does it
I hate you when you slump like this
I can sense that you need sometime out and I will sort it for you
You should have got over this by now
Depression can take a long time to recover from
Why bother, nobody cares anyway
I care
You never get it right
You get many things right. These include: XYZ
As you see these new messages simply read them to yourself as you walk by. Feel your anger rise as you feel cheated of being yourself. Tell the Parent in you to get stuffed when you hear the continual condemnation. Tell your Parent to go to hell and leave you alone.
Likely Page Break
At the same time, find your nurturing Adult come out to soothe you. We all want comforting words and touch. We need to treat ourselves with gentleness and love. The Adult is the place to go for new information. If it is reluctant to come to you, ask your Adult for help. Make up your own prayer and say it over and over. Persist with this exercise, because it will eventually come to you.Some new rules
There are some rules that we can undertake which will help us learn to re-parent ourselves. Some of these rules may replace our old rules. They are as follows:
1. It's OK to make mistakes; this is a normal part of life and making mistakes helps us to learn.
2. Stop lying. Lying causes unnecessary stress in our life because we need to be so vigilant in keeping up the circle of lies. This is a waste of energy.
3. It is OK to feel whatever you feel. Feelings are normal, whatever they are; they are a natural response to life.
4. It is OK and even essential to have fun, go out to play and laugh.
5. It is OK to set boundaries by saying 'NO'. This will help us feel more safe and liberated.
6. It's OK to be different from others.
7. We don't have to compete with others to be good enough.
8. It's imperative that we take responsibility for ourselves and our actions.
9. It is OK to need other people in our life.
10. We no longer have to control others to feel safe. Safety now growl inside us as we take care of ourselves.
As we weed out the critical direction that we give ourselves, we will leave a space for these and other new rules to settle into their place.
We may think that it is someone else who is 'making' us depressed by continually criticizing us; there is a well-known assumption that we actually project our own blockages on to the people we are drawn to. This is because when we are stuck, as we are when we are depressed, we are attracted to people who will parallel our inner voice and treat us the way we treat ourselves. This brings the steadfast problem to the fore and causes us to face up to the blockage.
We have to stop blaming other people for our dilemma and take responsibility for our own quandary if we want to beat depression. This can seem so hard when all we can see is another person bullying or victimizing us. If we can identify our internal criticism - and our Child's reaction - and find the strength to change it, we can begin to notice the power we have to change our own feelings. Just try them once to become fully aware of the difference one half-hour can make to the way you feel about yourself.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
No comments:
Post a Comment