Things to keep in mind to help you help your depressed child

Listed below is a "snapshot" of things to keep in mind to help you help your child. We will be discussing these ideas throughout the blog in more detail but provide some highlights here to provide an introduction to what helps.

• Focusing on realistic positives—This week, use the table provided at the end of the chapter to record some areas in which your child is already showing some positive abilities, even if they are small positives (for example, getting dressed in the morning).
• Getting active—Activity counteracts the tendency for depressed people to withdraw and ruminate, and physical activity can actu­ally prevent relapse in some people.
• Taking medication (if needed)—Medications can normalize the levels of the brain chemicals mentioned above.
• Reducing unnecessary stress—For example, if your teen is feeling overwhelmed by three after-school activities in addition to regular courses, see if even one can be eliminated until she is feeling better. Family conflict can also constitute "unnecessary stress." Chapters 12 and 13 are devoted to addressing family interactions.
• Increasing perceived support—Perceived support (that is, the child actually feels supported) ameliorates the effect of stress, reduces learned helplessness, and offers hope. Empathy is perceived as particularly supportive, but it's one of the most difficult things to give a depressed teen. Depression constricts the range of emotional expression, making depressed teens "hard to read." Teens' tendency to shut down and withdraw while depressed adds to the problem.

Sometimes, you will have to take an educated guess about what is going on, based on the circumstances. Then, put it into words for your teen. For example, "If that happened to me, I would feel terribly angry. Is that how you're feeling?" The expression on her face will give you the answer. Expressing confidence in your teen is another aspect of perceived support. Many children and teens do better when those close to them expect that they can. Siblings may need a little extra attention too, to reduce the chances of increased sibling rivalry as you focus on helping the depressed teen.
• Mourning major losses (if any)—Several books on helping children and teens with grief are listed in the Bibliography.
• Having a chance to make a difference—Making a difference (no matter how small) helps to overcome feelings of learned helpless­ness. For example, something as simple as being able to continue looking after a pet can provide a sense of "making a difference."



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