The consequences of thinking like this can spiral us downwards as our thoughts tell us that the world is a bad place and that we are victims. Black-and-white thinking keeps us stuck, as we see life as a series of crises to be 'got through'. We are acting as a child with no defense and no rights. We must remain aware that we have rights and we have the power to assert them.
This mode of thinking will begin to lessen as we put right what has dented us and we feel less like a victim. There are ways to lessen black-and-white thinking.
Thinking Neutral
Thinking Neutral can enable us to feel more balanced and at ease with the world. It is about learning to accept events with a more impartial approach. With black-and-white thinking we can often feel that every event has happened just to try and get at us. But this is not reality. Events happen and people say and do things that really have no impact on us except for the way we view them.
Thinking Neutral can help us to start seeing events as clouds moving across the sky while we watch them go by. We don't get upset about what we can't change as we accept our powerlessness over events and other people. We don't raise our hopes to dizzy heights. We feel less sad as we realize that most of our gloom is about a perceived or threatened loss and rarely about something we have actually lost.
Through Neutral Thinking we can start to live with a certain detachment that enables us to watch and feel the reaction we have to life's events without getting caught up in them. In terms of the Adult/Parent/Child split, it is like an adult watching a child carefully as she plays in the park with others; the adult is attuned to the variety of emotions, reactions and tussles the child goes through without actually getting involved, making judgments or having any reaction. Unless the child is in danger, the adult watches life go on without any worry, knowing that it's just life happening.
One of the hardest but most profound feats to accomplish is letting go of our 'highs'. Viewing 'highs' as being as disruptive as 'lows' is a complex task. We are constantly bombarded with images, sounds and ideas of what will give us the 'nirvana' we all crave and it seems to arrive in money, cars, property, clothes etc. The distraction that we nurture and celebrate takes us far away from Neutral Thinking and can result in depression, because we do not receive the comfort and love that the Child part of us needs to feel warm and secure. We are too busy relying on external things to give us a temporary high. Having 'things' clutters us up and, if we are on that circuit, someone else will always have more. So we are constantly striving to succeed in material gain.
Many people say, yes, but you have to pay the bills. Yes, we have to pay the bills but if we are trying to beat our depression
by working ourselves into the ground so we can buy 'highs' or constantly looking for others' approval, we have lost our own power and control. This is beyond working to pay the bills, this is obsessive working and will bring us further away from 'neutral thinking'.
Just Say STOP
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A simple start to lessening black-and-white thinking is to say to ourselves, when we find our minds racing along at a hundred miles an hour, 'STOP!' We can calm our thoughts instantly with this simple technique. We may only stop the mind racing for one or two seconds to begin with, but as we practice this technique the seconds will grow. Put a big STOP! Sign on your wall and just do it every time you walk by. It's an extraordinarily simple thing but it works.
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