Brian was one of the neighborhood kids who hung out at my house when my sons were growing up. His handsome face and sunny smile masked the sadness he felt about his parents' divorce. When Brian was in seventh grade, he left our neighborhood to live with his father, and I saw him only occasionally after that.
During his teen years, Brian was depressed, and he isolated himself, flew into rages, and abused drugs and alcohol to cope with his painful feelings. His family tried to help, but they couldn’t get through to him. In September of 1987, when Brian was eighteen, he drove his car into the loading dock of a build¬ing a few miles away and died. His death was a complete shock to everyone who knew him, including me.
At the time, no one had understood the clues that Brian left about his suicide. No one realized how much he needed—and wanted—help. Some of Brian's behaviors prior to his suicide were typical of someone planning to die—he listened to sad music, drew morbid pictures, and made cryptic statements like "You won't have to worry about me anymore. ..." In retro¬spect, the people who loved Brian realized that the clues were messages about what he planned to do.
Why Would Anyone Want to Die?
There aren't any easy answers to this question. Experts esti¬mate that, each year, about 500,000 young people try to kill themselves; about 6,000 of them actually die. So, on average, eighteen teens complete suicide each day. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is the second lead¬ing cause of death (after motor vehicle accidents) in young peo¬ple ages fifteen to twenty-four. Suicide is a frightening, confusing issue—one that most people don't want to talk about.
It's important to understand that:
1. Most suicidal teens aren't really trying to die.
2. Talking about suicide is a way to help a suicidal person.
Teens who want to kill themselves are trying to escape problems that seem too overwhelming to solve. The tragedy is that they choose a permanent solution to temporary problems. This is why it's so important to talk about suicide, not sweep it under the rug. When teens get their feelings out in the open and ask for help, suddenly the problems don't seem so big and so awful. Having a concerned and caring person say "I will help you" can play a big role in reversing suicidal thoughts.
Suicide is a response to feeling hopeless, helpless, alone, and worthless—all these feelings are linked to depression. In fact, people with depression are thirty times more likely to complete suicide than other people. Even someone who is mildly depressed may be thinking about suicide.
If you have considered suicide or are thinking about it now, GET HELP. Please do it immediately! Tell an adult you trust—a parent, relative, teacher, school counselor, clergy member, doc¬tor, or a mental health professional.
You can also call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room (take a taxi or ask a friend to drive you). If you're by yourself and you don't want to talk to someone face-to-face, find your Yellow Pages and look for a Suicide Hotline or Crisis Hotline. On pages 97-98, you'll find a list of national resources you can con¬tact, too. Take care of yourself right now. Trust that the person you talk to won't judge you.
Believe that you don't need to act on suicidal thoughts at this time. Suicidal thoughts will pass, but you need to get help.
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