Although the brain is complex and interconnected, neuroscientists have learned that certain brain systems are specialized and involved in controlling certain functions. This chapter gives you a basic understanding of brail anatomy and the latest information on brain function as it applies to anxiety and depression. It is estimated that the brain has more than 2,000 individual structures. To make things more manageable and easier to understand, neuroscientists divide the brain into lobes, or larger systems. The brain is typically divided into cortical (outside surface of the brain) and subcortical (deep brain areas) structures. The cortex is divided into four lobes: the frontal lobes, temporal lobes, parietal lobes, and occipital lobes. A useful, broad generalization is that the back half of the brain takes in and perceives the world, while the front half of the brain integrates incoming information with past experience and plans and executes behavior.
Through our imaging work we have seen that there are five major systems involved with behavior. As much as we have discovered, it is clear to us that we are only at the very beginning stages of understanding brain function and behavior. The information we present here is based on our own experience and what we have learned through the study and application of what other scientists have discovered. What is thought to be true now is likely to be revised time and time again as neuroscientists continue to learn about the brain. The treatment protocols and diagnostic equipment that we consider state of the art today will seem primitive as technology continues to progress.
Basal Ganglia Functions
sets the body's idle or anxiety level integrates feeling and movement shifts and smoothes fine-motor behavior suppresses unwanted motor behaviors enhances motivation
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Saturday 13 December 2008
The Brain Systems: Anxiety and Depression
The brain is the organ that ultimately experiences anxiety and depression because it is the organ of our personality. In fact, the brain controls mood, personality, intelligence, and adaptability. It exp our hopes and dreams, sorrows and pain. Sometimes the brain is the sole cause of anxiety and depression; sometimes it is simply the organ that experiences the results of too much life stress. Usually anxiety and depressive illnesses are the result of a combination of brain vulnerability and life stresses. In order to understand the seven types of anxiety and depressive illnesses as fully as possible, it is important to understand the underlying brain systems involved in feelings and behavior.
The brain is involved in everything you do. The actual physical function ing of your brain heavily influences how well you get along with others, how you think, how you feel, and how you act. When your brain works right you tend to work right; when your brain doesn't work right it is very hard for you to be your best self. The brain is the most complex and powerful organ on earth. It is estimated that the brain contains 100 billion nerve cells, and each of these cells is connected to other cells through hundreds or, in some cases, thousands, of individual connections. It is estimated that the brain has more than 1,000,000,000,000,000 connections within it—more connections than there are stars in the universe. Each part of the brain is vastly interconnected with other parts of the brain. The brain is also very soft, about the consistency of soft butter. It is housed in a very hard skull with many bony ridges, which means it can easily be damaged. The adult human brain weighs about 3 pounds, or about 2 percent of the body's weight, yet it is the body's major energy consumer, using approximately 20 percent of the body's energy.
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The brain is involved in everything you do. The actual physical function ing of your brain heavily influences how well you get along with others, how you think, how you feel, and how you act. When your brain works right you tend to work right; when your brain doesn't work right it is very hard for you to be your best self. The brain is the most complex and powerful organ on earth. It is estimated that the brain contains 100 billion nerve cells, and each of these cells is connected to other cells through hundreds or, in some cases, thousands, of individual connections. It is estimated that the brain has more than 1,000,000,000,000,000 connections within it—more connections than there are stars in the universe. Each part of the brain is vastly interconnected with other parts of the brain. The brain is also very soft, about the consistency of soft butter. It is housed in a very hard skull with many bony ridges, which means it can easily be damaged. The adult human brain weighs about 3 pounds, or about 2 percent of the body's weight, yet it is the body's major energy consumer, using approximately 20 percent of the body's energy.
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Brain patterns that would clearly define the two illnesses
When we first started studying anxiety and depression we thought we would discover evidence of brain patterns that would clearly define the two illnesses. We thought we would see signature patterns for each illness. We were wrong. There was not one brain pattern for anxiety and one for depression; there were many different patterns. Of course, once we thought through the problem it was foolish to think that one pattern would fit all people with depression or anxiety. After all, everyone who is anxious or depressed does not respond to the same medication or the same form of psychotherapy.
As we studied the different patterns we made some other exciting discoveries. We noticed that certain brain patterns responded to specific treatments, while other brain patterns were made worse by traditional treatments. We started to use the scan information like radar to guide us in our treatment choices, and in doing so we saw our patients improve from the more precise treatment. Over time, we grouped the patterns for anxiety and depression into seven different categories and developed treatment protocols tor each one.
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As we studied the different patterns we made some other exciting discoveries. We noticed that certain brain patterns responded to specific treatments, while other brain patterns were made worse by traditional treatments. We started to use the scan information like radar to guide us in our treatment choices, and in doing so we saw our patients improve from the more precise treatment. Over time, we grouped the patterns for anxiety and depression into seven different categories and developed treatment protocols tor each one.
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Friday 12 December 2008
Brain SPECT studies
Brain SPECT studies were initially used in the late 1960s and early to mid-1970s. CT and the more sophisticated MRI anatomical studies replaced SPECT studies in the late 1970s and 1980s. At the time, the resolution (image clarity) of those studies was superior to SPECT for seeing tumors, cysts, and blood clots. Yet, despite their clarity, CT scans and MRIs could offer images of only a static brain and its anatomy; they gave no information about the activity of a working brain. In the last decade it has become increasingly recognized that many neurological and psychiatric disorders are not disorders of the brain's anatomy, but are problems of brain function.
Two technological advancements have once again encouraged the use of SPECT studies. The early SPECT cameras were called single-headed.
They used only one imaging device and took as long as one lour to rotate around a person's brain. People had trouble holding still for that long, the images were fuzzy and hard to read (earning nuclear medicine the nickname "unclear medicine"), and they did not give much information about the activity levels of the deep brain structures. Then multi-headed Cameras were developed with special filters that imaged the brain faster with enhanced resolution. Advancements in computer technology allowed for Improved data acquisition. The brain SPECT studies of today, with their markedly improved resolution, can see deeper into the inner workings of the brain with far greater clarity.
We typically do two scans when we evaluate a patient's brain. We do a baseline scan during which the patient is asked to let his mind wander, and 0 concentration scan during which we challenge the brain with a computerized test that measures attention span and impulse control. We have found it most helpful to have both scans to see how the brain activates with or without concentration and to have a baseline scan for comparison.
We look for three things when we evaluate a SPECT study: areas of the brain that work well, areas of the brain that work too hard, and areas of the brain that do not work hard enough.
The images in this book represent two kinds of three-dimensional (3D) images of the brain. The first is a 3D surface image, which captures the top 45 percent of brain activity. It shows blood flow of the brain s cortical, or outside, surface. These images are helpful for visualizing areas of healthy blood flow and activity as well as seeing areas with diminished perfusion and activity. They are helpful in looking at strokes, brain trauma, and the effects from drug abuse. A healthy 3D surface scan shows good, full, symmetrical activity across the brain's cortical surface.
The second type of SPECT images we look at are 3D active brain images comparing average brain activity to the hottest 15 percent of activity. These images are helpful in visualizing overactive brain areas, as seen in active seizures, and many types of anxiety and depression, among other irregularities. A healthy 3D active scan shows increased activity, seen by the light color in the active scans below, in the back of the brain, the cerebellum, and visual, or occipital, cortex, and average activity everywhere else.
It is important to note that everyone's brain looks different. Brains are like faces and there is variation among them. From an aesthetic standpoint, on scans some brains are beautiful, while others are a bit misshapen and symmetrical activity. A healthy brain has all of its major parts intact and they work together in a relatively harmonious fashion. While there are normal age variations, the brain scans of children and teenagers reveal more activity than the brain scans of adults; even an elderly brain, if properly cared for during life, looks full, symmetrical, and healthy.
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Two technological advancements have once again encouraged the use of SPECT studies. The early SPECT cameras were called single-headed.
They used only one imaging device and took as long as one lour to rotate around a person's brain. People had trouble holding still for that long, the images were fuzzy and hard to read (earning nuclear medicine the nickname "unclear medicine"), and they did not give much information about the activity levels of the deep brain structures. Then multi-headed Cameras were developed with special filters that imaged the brain faster with enhanced resolution. Advancements in computer technology allowed for Improved data acquisition. The brain SPECT studies of today, with their markedly improved resolution, can see deeper into the inner workings of the brain with far greater clarity.
We typically do two scans when we evaluate a patient's brain. We do a baseline scan during which the patient is asked to let his mind wander, and 0 concentration scan during which we challenge the brain with a computerized test that measures attention span and impulse control. We have found it most helpful to have both scans to see how the brain activates with or without concentration and to have a baseline scan for comparison.
We look for three things when we evaluate a SPECT study: areas of the brain that work well, areas of the brain that work too hard, and areas of the brain that do not work hard enough.
The images in this book represent two kinds of three-dimensional (3D) images of the brain. The first is a 3D surface image, which captures the top 45 percent of brain activity. It shows blood flow of the brain s cortical, or outside, surface. These images are helpful for visualizing areas of healthy blood flow and activity as well as seeing areas with diminished perfusion and activity. They are helpful in looking at strokes, brain trauma, and the effects from drug abuse. A healthy 3D surface scan shows good, full, symmetrical activity across the brain's cortical surface.
The second type of SPECT images we look at are 3D active brain images comparing average brain activity to the hottest 15 percent of activity. These images are helpful in visualizing overactive brain areas, as seen in active seizures, and many types of anxiety and depression, among other irregularities. A healthy 3D active scan shows increased activity, seen by the light color in the active scans below, in the back of the brain, the cerebellum, and visual, or occipital, cortex, and average activity everywhere else.
It is important to note that everyone's brain looks different. Brains are like faces and there is variation among them. From an aesthetic standpoint, on scans some brains are beautiful, while others are a bit misshapen and symmetrical activity. A healthy brain has all of its major parts intact and they work together in a relatively harmonious fashion. While there are normal age variations, the brain scans of children and teenagers reveal more activity than the brain scans of adults; even an elderly brain, if properly cared for during life, looks full, symmetrical, and healthy.
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SPECT A Window into Anxiety and Depression
Before we go further, it is important to understand SPECT technology. SPECT stands for single photon emission computer tomography. It is a sophisticated nuclear medicine study that allows us to visualize brain blood flow and metabolism. In this study, a radioactive isotope is attached to a substance (Ceretec) that is easily taken up by the cells in the brain. A small amount of this compound is injected into a patient's vein, travels through the bloodstream, and locks into brain cells. As the isotope breaks down it releases energy in the form of gamma rays. The gamma rays are like beacons of light that signal where the compound is in the brain. People do not have allergic reactions to SPECT studies. Special crystals in the SPECT "gamma" camera detect these beacons of light as the camera rotates around the patient's head for about fifteen minutes. About 10 million gamma rays strike the crystals during a typical scan, and a supercomputer then translates this information into sophisticated blood flow/metabolism maps and three-dimensional images of the brain. Physicians and researchers use these maps to identify patterns of brain activity that correlate to healthy brain function and those that are associated with psychiatric and neurological illnesses.
SPECT imaging belongs to a branch of medicine called nuclear medicine. Nuclear medicine studies measure the physiological functioning of the body. They are used to diagnose a multitude of medical conditions: heart disease, certain forms of infection, the spread of cancer, and bone and thyroid diseases. Brain SPECT studies help in the diagnosis of brain trauma, dementia, atypical or unresponsive mood disorders, strokes, seizures, the impact of drug abuse on brain function, complex forms of Attention Deficit Disorder, and atypical or aggressive behaviors.
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SPECT imaging belongs to a branch of medicine called nuclear medicine. Nuclear medicine studies measure the physiological functioning of the body. They are used to diagnose a multitude of medical conditions: heart disease, certain forms of infection, the spread of cancer, and bone and thyroid diseases. Brain SPECT studies help in the diagnosis of brain trauma, dementia, atypical or unresponsive mood disorders, strokes, seizures, the impact of drug abuse on brain function, complex forms of Attention Deficit Disorder, and atypical or aggressive behaviors.
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Thursday 11 December 2008
14-Days Plan Introduction
Sometimes we need another person to tell us where to go, what to do and what to say. We can become confused and disorientated when we suffer from depression. There is no obvious route to recovery. If we contract a major illness, for example, cancer, we are aware that there is a medical route for treatment and we probably know that there are various complementary therapies that are approved by the medical profession to help alongside traditional treatment. But if we are depressed it is hard to know where to go to receive help. There is little publicity about treating depression and the very nature of this state of mind renders us unable to think clearly, become assertive and demand assistance. When all we want to do is curl up in a ball and hide, it is very hard to force a sense of clarity out of ourselves.
This is a plan to help you find that clarity and meaning in your current state of mind and offer ways to sharpen your focus on moving out of depression. Whether you simply feel low or you are negotiating a way out of years of depression, this 14-day plan is adaptable to you. Each day offers tasks that will help you to feel better. You can move on to the following day when you feel you have had enough of the previous day's tasks. Conversely, you can jump ahead and try something that shines out at you.
If you are simply feeling a little low, you may want to skip through the 14 days in as many hours. If you undertake the tasks, you will find you feel more confident, your depression will have lifted and you will have a bounce in your step. If you have suffered from depression for a number of years, you may want to take each day's tasks on for some weeks at a time. Stay with each task until you feel saturated and you have had enough. You will be moving yourself in the right direction rather than floundering in a hopeless vacuum. If you decide to follow the plan through in 14 days, just like a 14-day did, at the end of it you may not have lost all your 'weight' but you will have the tools you need to get to your goal. The whole of the 14 days is designed as a sequence of tasks that can help to lift you up to the next step. They are written as a way to place the Ten Suggestions from Part 1 in a manage-able order that will create a sense of moving forward. They are designed to encompass everything you need to recover from depression.
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This is a plan to help you find that clarity and meaning in your current state of mind and offer ways to sharpen your focus on moving out of depression. Whether you simply feel low or you are negotiating a way out of years of depression, this 14-day plan is adaptable to you. Each day offers tasks that will help you to feel better. You can move on to the following day when you feel you have had enough of the previous day's tasks. Conversely, you can jump ahead and try something that shines out at you.
If you are simply feeling a little low, you may want to skip through the 14 days in as many hours. If you undertake the tasks, you will find you feel more confident, your depression will have lifted and you will have a bounce in your step. If you have suffered from depression for a number of years, you may want to take each day's tasks on for some weeks at a time. Stay with each task until you feel saturated and you have had enough. You will be moving yourself in the right direction rather than floundering in a hopeless vacuum. If you decide to follow the plan through in 14 days, just like a 14-day did, at the end of it you may not have lost all your 'weight' but you will have the tools you need to get to your goal. The whole of the 14 days is designed as a sequence of tasks that can help to lift you up to the next step. They are written as a way to place the Ten Suggestions from Part 1 in a manage-able order that will create a sense of moving forward. They are designed to encompass everything you need to recover from depression.
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Identify what triggers our depressed feelings
While staying with the momentum of recovery from depression, it is a good time for us to identify what triggers our depressed feelings. As we start to move away from feeling chronically depressed, we can become aware of what situations hook us back into that sinking, hopeless feeling that we are so used to. Our recovery is fragile to start with, but we build strength day by day.
If we take our journal and write out what scenarios push us backward, we can then be aware of them, and either avoid those situations or arm ourselves so we are prepared. Simply knowing what our triggers are will help us halfway towards conquering difficult circumstances.
EXAMPLES OF OTHER PEOPLE'S TRIGGERS ARE:
• Returning to the parental home
• Work appraisals
• Eating junk food
• Christmas
• Receiving an 'overdue for payment' letter
• Being rejected when asking someone on a date
• Husband/wife refusing sex
• Bingeing on drink and/or drugs
• A 'look' from an authority
• Self-recrimination
• Lack of exercise
When we are aware of our triggers we have choices. Choices offer us a new power and a new road to reclaiming our life.
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If we take our journal and write out what scenarios push us backward, we can then be aware of them, and either avoid those situations or arm ourselves so we are prepared. Simply knowing what our triggers are will help us halfway towards conquering difficult circumstances.
EXAMPLES OF OTHER PEOPLE'S TRIGGERS ARE:
• Returning to the parental home
• Work appraisals
• Eating junk food
• Christmas
• Receiving an 'overdue for payment' letter
• Being rejected when asking someone on a date
• Husband/wife refusing sex
• Bingeing on drink and/or drugs
• A 'look' from an authority
• Self-recrimination
• Lack of exercise
When we are aware of our triggers we have choices. Choices offer us a new power and a new road to reclaiming our life.
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A Word To The Parents Which Has Depressed Children
As we shoulder the responsibilities of adult life, many of us look back at adolescence as a carefree time—somehow forget¬ting the difficult struggles the teen years held. Some idealize this period as the "best years of your life," while others mini¬mize adolescent concerns with a "what do you have to worry about?" attitude. This book serves as an important reminder that teens struggle with very real and serious issues.
It's important for parents of teens to try to understand what it's like to walk in their shoes. As Bev Cobain states in this book, "Being a teen is a hard job." Teens face changes and chal¬lenges in every aspect of their lives—as their bodies change so do the expectations of parents, teachers, and even friends. Adolescents must invent and reinvent themselves in their quest to fit in and find acceptance, while also working to figure out who they are and how to express their individuality.
Teens have a unique cognitive style—they see the world through fresh eyes. What they feel and experience may be age-old, but each adolescent feels at times like he or she is the first to experience feeling so intensely happy, sad, or alone, or to be so full of ideas. This intensity of feeling is frequently coupled with a tendency to view the world, and themselves, through an all-or-nothing lens: They are "popular" or "unpopular," things are "good" or "bad," life looks "wonderful" or "hopeless." This worldview modulates over the course of normal adoles¬cent development, but in its most active phase, it places young people at particular risk for depression.
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It's important for parents of teens to try to understand what it's like to walk in their shoes. As Bev Cobain states in this book, "Being a teen is a hard job." Teens face changes and chal¬lenges in every aspect of their lives—as their bodies change so do the expectations of parents, teachers, and even friends. Adolescents must invent and reinvent themselves in their quest to fit in and find acceptance, while also working to figure out who they are and how to express their individuality.
Teens have a unique cognitive style—they see the world through fresh eyes. What they feel and experience may be age-old, but each adolescent feels at times like he or she is the first to experience feeling so intensely happy, sad, or alone, or to be so full of ideas. This intensity of feeling is frequently coupled with a tendency to view the world, and themselves, through an all-or-nothing lens: They are "popular" or "unpopular," things are "good" or "bad," life looks "wonderful" or "hopeless." This worldview modulates over the course of normal adoles¬cent development, but in its most active phase, it places young people at particular risk for depression.
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Depression and Suicide
Brian was one of the neighborhood kids who hung out at my house when my sons were growing up. His handsome face and sunny smile masked the sadness he felt about his parents' divorce. When Brian was in seventh grade, he left our neighborhood to live with his father, and I saw him only occasionally after that.
During his teen years, Brian was depressed, and he isolated himself, flew into rages, and abused drugs and alcohol to cope with his painful feelings. His family tried to help, but they couldn’t get through to him. In September of 1987, when Brian was eighteen, he drove his car into the loading dock of a build¬ing a few miles away and died. His death was a complete shock to everyone who knew him, including me.
At the time, no one had understood the clues that Brian left about his suicide. No one realized how much he needed—and wanted—help. Some of Brian's behaviors prior to his suicide were typical of someone planning to die—he listened to sad music, drew morbid pictures, and made cryptic statements like "You won't have to worry about me anymore. ..." In retro¬spect, the people who loved Brian realized that the clues were messages about what he planned to do.
Why Would Anyone Want to Die?
There aren't any easy answers to this question. Experts esti¬mate that, each year, about 500,000 young people try to kill themselves; about 6,000 of them actually die. So, on average, eighteen teens complete suicide each day. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is the second lead¬ing cause of death (after motor vehicle accidents) in young peo¬ple ages fifteen to twenty-four. Suicide is a frightening, confusing issue—one that most people don't want to talk about.
It's important to understand that:
1. Most suicidal teens aren't really trying to die.
2. Talking about suicide is a way to help a suicidal person.
Teens who want to kill themselves are trying to escape problems that seem too overwhelming to solve. The tragedy is that they choose a permanent solution to temporary problems. This is why it's so important to talk about suicide, not sweep it under the rug. When teens get their feelings out in the open and ask for help, suddenly the problems don't seem so big and so awful. Having a concerned and caring person say "I will help you" can play a big role in reversing suicidal thoughts.
Suicide is a response to feeling hopeless, helpless, alone, and worthless—all these feelings are linked to depression. In fact, people with depression are thirty times more likely to complete suicide than other people. Even someone who is mildly depressed may be thinking about suicide.
If you have considered suicide or are thinking about it now, GET HELP. Please do it immediately! Tell an adult you trust—a parent, relative, teacher, school counselor, clergy member, doc¬tor, or a mental health professional.
You can also call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room (take a taxi or ask a friend to drive you). If you're by yourself and you don't want to talk to someone face-to-face, find your Yellow Pages and look for a Suicide Hotline or Crisis Hotline. On pages 97-98, you'll find a list of national resources you can con¬tact, too. Take care of yourself right now. Trust that the person you talk to won't judge you.
Believe that you don't need to act on suicidal thoughts at this time. Suicidal thoughts will pass, but you need to get help.
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During his teen years, Brian was depressed, and he isolated himself, flew into rages, and abused drugs and alcohol to cope with his painful feelings. His family tried to help, but they couldn’t get through to him. In September of 1987, when Brian was eighteen, he drove his car into the loading dock of a build¬ing a few miles away and died. His death was a complete shock to everyone who knew him, including me.
At the time, no one had understood the clues that Brian left about his suicide. No one realized how much he needed—and wanted—help. Some of Brian's behaviors prior to his suicide were typical of someone planning to die—he listened to sad music, drew morbid pictures, and made cryptic statements like "You won't have to worry about me anymore. ..." In retro¬spect, the people who loved Brian realized that the clues were messages about what he planned to do.
Why Would Anyone Want to Die?
There aren't any easy answers to this question. Experts esti¬mate that, each year, about 500,000 young people try to kill themselves; about 6,000 of them actually die. So, on average, eighteen teens complete suicide each day. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is the second lead¬ing cause of death (after motor vehicle accidents) in young peo¬ple ages fifteen to twenty-four. Suicide is a frightening, confusing issue—one that most people don't want to talk about.
It's important to understand that:
1. Most suicidal teens aren't really trying to die.
2. Talking about suicide is a way to help a suicidal person.
Teens who want to kill themselves are trying to escape problems that seem too overwhelming to solve. The tragedy is that they choose a permanent solution to temporary problems. This is why it's so important to talk about suicide, not sweep it under the rug. When teens get their feelings out in the open and ask for help, suddenly the problems don't seem so big and so awful. Having a concerned and caring person say "I will help you" can play a big role in reversing suicidal thoughts.
Suicide is a response to feeling hopeless, helpless, alone, and worthless—all these feelings are linked to depression. In fact, people with depression are thirty times more likely to complete suicide than other people. Even someone who is mildly depressed may be thinking about suicide.
If you have considered suicide or are thinking about it now, GET HELP. Please do it immediately! Tell an adult you trust—a parent, relative, teacher, school counselor, clergy member, doc¬tor, or a mental health professional.
You can also call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room (take a taxi or ask a friend to drive you). If you're by yourself and you don't want to talk to someone face-to-face, find your Yellow Pages and look for a Suicide Hotline or Crisis Hotline. On pages 97-98, you'll find a list of national resources you can con¬tact, too. Take care of yourself right now. Trust that the person you talk to won't judge you.
Believe that you don't need to act on suicidal thoughts at this time. Suicidal thoughts will pass, but you need to get help.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Wednesday 10 December 2008
What Are the Symptoms and Effects of Anxiety and Depression?
Although anxiety and depression are not the same, depression and anxiety disorders have similar symptoms. Both people who are depressed and those who suffer from anxiety disorders may be subject to mood swings. Both may withdraw from their usual activities. They may not be able to talk with their friends, family, coworkers, or fellow students as they did before suffering from these disorders. They may not be able to tell friends or loved ones how they are feeling, and they may even lie about how they feel in order to be left alone.
Almost half of all people diagnosed with an anxiety disorder also suffer from depression. Two out of three people diagnosed with depression exhibit symptoms of anxiety. Despite similarities in symptoms such as social isolation, sleep problems, and loss of energy, depression and anxiety disorders are not the same. Anxiety disorders can develop without signs of depression, and people living with depression may not experience anxiety symptoms.
Symptoms of depression
Those who suffer from depression may feel hopeless, overwhelmed, or angry. Their energy level may be low, making simple day-to-day tasks seem difficult. They may not be able to maintain relationships that are important to them. If their feelings of hopelessness last for a long period of time and interfere with their ability to function, they may be diagnosed with depression. Almost 19 million American adults suffer from depression at some time during their lifetimes. Women are about twice as likely as men to develop depression. Although depression can occur at any age, including the teen years, the average age of onset is the mid-20s.
Anxiety disorders
Those who suffer from an anxiety disorder experience fear, panic, or anxiety in situations where most people don't feel anxious or threatened. Panic is an intense feeling of fear or anxiety that comes on suddenly; the feeling may be overwhelming and seem to be unfounded. Some people experience sudden panic attacks without knowing what the trigger was. A trigger is an event, feeling, or situation that prompts a panic or anxiety attack. Other people feel constantly worried or anxious. Without treatment, such disorders can make it difficult to go to school, be with friends, or even leave one's house.
Anxiety disorders are common in the United States. Typically, the sufferer fears panic symptoms in a place where escape may prove either difficult or embarrassing. Agoraphobia can keep sufferers from ordinary responsibilities and tasks such as going to school or work, doing the grocery shopping, or visiting a doctor.
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Almost half of all people diagnosed with an anxiety disorder also suffer from depression. Two out of three people diagnosed with depression exhibit symptoms of anxiety. Despite similarities in symptoms such as social isolation, sleep problems, and loss of energy, depression and anxiety disorders are not the same. Anxiety disorders can develop without signs of depression, and people living with depression may not experience anxiety symptoms.
Symptoms of depression
Those who suffer from depression may feel hopeless, overwhelmed, or angry. Their energy level may be low, making simple day-to-day tasks seem difficult. They may not be able to maintain relationships that are important to them. If their feelings of hopelessness last for a long period of time and interfere with their ability to function, they may be diagnosed with depression. Almost 19 million American adults suffer from depression at some time during their lifetimes. Women are about twice as likely as men to develop depression. Although depression can occur at any age, including the teen years, the average age of onset is the mid-20s.
Anxiety disorders
Those who suffer from an anxiety disorder experience fear, panic, or anxiety in situations where most people don't feel anxious or threatened. Panic is an intense feeling of fear or anxiety that comes on suddenly; the feeling may be overwhelming and seem to be unfounded. Some people experience sudden panic attacks without knowing what the trigger was. A trigger is an event, feeling, or situation that prompts a panic or anxiety attack. Other people feel constantly worried or anxious. Without treatment, such disorders can make it difficult to go to school, be with friends, or even leave one's house.
Anxiety disorders are common in the United States. Typically, the sufferer fears panic symptoms in a place where escape may prove either difficult or embarrassing. Agoraphobia can keep sufferers from ordinary responsibilities and tasks such as going to school or work, doing the grocery shopping, or visiting a doctor.
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Seeing Anxiety and Depression: Brain SPECT Imaging
Sean was one of the cutest, brightest ten-year-old boys with blond hair and big blue eyes we had ever seen. He came into our clinic clutching Dr. Amen's book ChangeYour Brain, ChangeYcur Life, which his mother had given to him and which he had actually read from cover to cover. Based on what he had read in the book he predicted that he would have problems in his deep limbic system and left temporal lobe. When we asked him how he knew this, he said that he had periods of really bad depression, a very bad temper, and that he had tried to kill himself the year before when he was feeling really sad. He also said that sometimes he saw shadows and bugs crawling on walls when there were none. As part of Sean's evaluation we did a brain SPECT series. When we reviewed the scans with Sean it became clear that he had perfectly predicted his own SPECT results. He had excessive activity in the brain's emotional center (the deep limbic system) and decreased activity in the left temporal lobe. As he and his parents looked at the images on the computer screen, tears rolled down Sean's and his mother's cheeks. "I never wanted to feel bad or be so mad," he said. "I always wanted to be good. I guess I know why I had those problems" On the right treatment, guided by the scans, his history, and our clinical observations, Sean's mood and temper stabilized and he thrived in school and at home.
A picture can be invaluable. Once we started our imaging work we could clearly see that these diseases were in fact brain problems. From the first month performing scans^ more than twelve years ago, imaging has changed the way we look at patients. Before we were able to perform brain scans, our approach to diagnosis and treatment was based on patient interviews and symptom checklists, such as those found in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) published by the American Psychiatric Association.
The DSM, now in its fifth version, is considered by many to be the bible for diagnosing psychiatric illness. Unfortunately, psychiatric diagnoses in the DSM are still based on symptom clusters and have little or nothing to do with underlying brain dysfunction.
Shortly after starting the imaging work, we learned to use the scan images like radar to help us target treatment toward the specific brain regions that were abnormal. The greatest aspect or our work was observing that effective treatment causes a patient's brain to actually start healing. We could change brain patterns, see it on a follow-up scan, optimize brain function, and subsequently help people heal from the inside out.
Using brain imaging to help diagnose psychiatric illness was not part of our training, even though we trained at some of the most respected institutions in the country. Dr. Amen trained at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C., and Dr. Routh at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, and Timberlawn Hospital in Dallas, Texas. Brain imaging is usually not a significant part of the curriculum in most psychiatric training programs. Although most psychiatric illnesses are strongly brain-based, psychiatrists don't look at brain function because:
• imaging is usually not a part of psychiatric training programs;
• imaging is not a part of psychiatric tradition;
• most psychiatrists do not know how to read brain scans or what the results mean;
• most psychiatrists are not sure how to use information from brain scans to help with diagnosis and guide treatment;
• many psychiatrists believe it is hard to get brain imaging studies approved by insurance companies in the age of managed care;
• most psychiatrists still perceive brain imaging tools as experimental;
• many psychiatrists are uncomfortable with technology.
We have argued for more than twelve years that it is crucial for psychiatrists to look at the brain on a day-to-day clinical basis. The field is changing, although much more slowly than we would like. We are actively involved in teaching the imaging techniques in this book to psychiatric residents and other physicians around the country.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
A picture can be invaluable. Once we started our imaging work we could clearly see that these diseases were in fact brain problems. From the first month performing scans^ more than twelve years ago, imaging has changed the way we look at patients. Before we were able to perform brain scans, our approach to diagnosis and treatment was based on patient interviews and symptom checklists, such as those found in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) published by the American Psychiatric Association.
The DSM, now in its fifth version, is considered by many to be the bible for diagnosing psychiatric illness. Unfortunately, psychiatric diagnoses in the DSM are still based on symptom clusters and have little or nothing to do with underlying brain dysfunction.
Shortly after starting the imaging work, we learned to use the scan images like radar to help us target treatment toward the specific brain regions that were abnormal. The greatest aspect or our work was observing that effective treatment causes a patient's brain to actually start healing. We could change brain patterns, see it on a follow-up scan, optimize brain function, and subsequently help people heal from the inside out.
Using brain imaging to help diagnose psychiatric illness was not part of our training, even though we trained at some of the most respected institutions in the country. Dr. Amen trained at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C., and Dr. Routh at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, and Timberlawn Hospital in Dallas, Texas. Brain imaging is usually not a significant part of the curriculum in most psychiatric training programs. Although most psychiatric illnesses are strongly brain-based, psychiatrists don't look at brain function because:
• imaging is usually not a part of psychiatric training programs;
• imaging is not a part of psychiatric tradition;
• most psychiatrists do not know how to read brain scans or what the results mean;
• most psychiatrists are not sure how to use information from brain scans to help with diagnosis and guide treatment;
• many psychiatrists believe it is hard to get brain imaging studies approved by insurance companies in the age of managed care;
• most psychiatrists still perceive brain imaging tools as experimental;
• many psychiatrists are uncomfortable with technology.
We have argued for more than twelve years that it is crucial for psychiatrists to look at the brain on a day-to-day clinical basis. The field is changing, although much more slowly than we would like. We are actively involved in teaching the imaging techniques in this book to psychiatric residents and other physicians around the country.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Helpful Hints in Releasing Our Present Anger
As we lessen the burden of historic anger, we will find it easier to express our anger at something that happens today. Some of us take a long time to get to the point where we can deal with something we don't like as it happens. One of the reasons for this is that we are frightened that we may go out of control. But big anger starts with an irritation and works its way into a large ball. Once we have a handle on the historic anger, expressing present anger will become second nature.
The first thing we must do if we are frightened of expressing ourselves is to take time out when we feel angry. This will give us an opportunity to get a perspective on how angry it is appropriate to feel. We can ask another person to listen to us and help us divide up what is historic anger and what is present anger.
It is best to express our anger as close to the moment as is possible. The sooner we let it out, the easier it is to discharge and the better we feel for it. Anger can mean slight irritation; it doesn't have to mean 'all out war'. However we feel, we are entitled to our feelings. No matter how unreasonable it may sound, if that's how we feel then that's how we feel.
HERE ARE SOME HINTS TO APPROACH EXPRESSING PRESENT ANGER:
• Use plenty of words to express anger that will seem gentler than the word 'angry'. For example: irritated, frustrated, bothered, perturbed, etc.
• Start by expressing anger over trivial things. For example, 'I am frustrated when you don't call when you say you will.'
• Be open to others' responses as they explain their position. For example, they might say, 'I didn't realize that my phone call meant so much to you. 'This offers a chance of building a bridge.
• Try to explain what is beneath your anger. For example,"I am frustrated when you don't call when you say you will because I worry about your wellbeing."
• Don't express your anger when you are in a state of rage; no one wins at this point.
• As long as you are not in a state of rage, express your anger as soon as you can after the feelings arise.
Practice the words you need to express how you feel when you are alone, or with someone who is neutral and supportive, before you take it to the person for whom the anger is intended.
In terms of expressing anger, practice really does make perfect. At the beginning we find ourselves shaking like a leaf, screaming our heads off or bursting into tears. When we effectively practice expressing our anger, we will feel magnificent because we have found a way to assert ourselves that we can apply to any situation and get good results. We therefore feel that less and less can intimidate us and we feel free to live life with a permanent feeling of lightness.
Sometimes, however, we feel unclear and muddled about a situation and we need to take stock before we respond. A tip for delaying our response is to have to hand a couple of routine phrases that will help us get through those tricky moments when we are flummoxed for what to say. My favorite ones are:
• Thank you for that information, I'll take that away and think about it
• Oh, that's interesting, I didn't know that you saw it that way
This will give us time to evaluate what the other person is saying and to calm ourselves down if we are presented with a situation that renders us incapable of a clear reply. We can then come back to the person and continue where we left off with clarity and good judgment.
This will play a very big part in beating depression and reclaiming our life.
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The first thing we must do if we are frightened of expressing ourselves is to take time out when we feel angry. This will give us an opportunity to get a perspective on how angry it is appropriate to feel. We can ask another person to listen to us and help us divide up what is historic anger and what is present anger.
It is best to express our anger as close to the moment as is possible. The sooner we let it out, the easier it is to discharge and the better we feel for it. Anger can mean slight irritation; it doesn't have to mean 'all out war'. However we feel, we are entitled to our feelings. No matter how unreasonable it may sound, if that's how we feel then that's how we feel.
HERE ARE SOME HINTS TO APPROACH EXPRESSING PRESENT ANGER:
• Use plenty of words to express anger that will seem gentler than the word 'angry'. For example: irritated, frustrated, bothered, perturbed, etc.
• Start by expressing anger over trivial things. For example, 'I am frustrated when you don't call when you say you will.'
• Be open to others' responses as they explain their position. For example, they might say, 'I didn't realize that my phone call meant so much to you. 'This offers a chance of building a bridge.
• Try to explain what is beneath your anger. For example,"I am frustrated when you don't call when you say you will because I worry about your wellbeing."
• Don't express your anger when you are in a state of rage; no one wins at this point.
• As long as you are not in a state of rage, express your anger as soon as you can after the feelings arise.
Practice the words you need to express how you feel when you are alone, or with someone who is neutral and supportive, before you take it to the person for whom the anger is intended.
In terms of expressing anger, practice really does make perfect. At the beginning we find ourselves shaking like a leaf, screaming our heads off or bursting into tears. When we effectively practice expressing our anger, we will feel magnificent because we have found a way to assert ourselves that we can apply to any situation and get good results. We therefore feel that less and less can intimidate us and we feel free to live life with a permanent feeling of lightness.
Sometimes, however, we feel unclear and muddled about a situation and we need to take stock before we respond. A tip for delaying our response is to have to hand a couple of routine phrases that will help us get through those tricky moments when we are flummoxed for what to say. My favorite ones are:
• Thank you for that information, I'll take that away and think about it
• Oh, that's interesting, I didn't know that you saw it that way
This will give us time to evaluate what the other person is saying and to calm ourselves down if we are presented with a situation that renders us incapable of a clear reply. We can then come back to the person and continue where we left off with clarity and good judgment.
Likely Page Break
The more we practice releasing present anger, the more liberated we feel. As we become more used to expressing anger on the spur of the moment, the less it will burden us and the safer we will feel because we know that we no longer need to run from a situation where we think we can't cope. We can cope, we can say what we need to say, and we can face what-ever used to terrify us.This will play a very big part in beating depression and reclaiming our life.
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The "Who" Thinking when Treating Our Depression
When we are becoming more confident in our ability to release our anger, we can comfortably use it to empower ourselves. This is because we are less afraid of our own anger and have learned to trust ourselves fully when we feel angry. We can use this new-found confidence to restore faith in ourselves that we are not mad, out of control or bad for having these feelings. We can begin to say to ourselves, 'Yes, I do have rights and I will exercise them to help myself feel better about what I am doing and feeling.'
As our honesty grows, we can feel our alliance between our Child and Adult selves growing stronger and more able to deal with situations that previously rendered us helpless and depressed. Our victim stance will diminish as we think about what depresses us and find new ways of undertaking difficult issues. We will find a congruency between how we are inside and how we present ourselves on the outside.
WRITE IT OUT (AN ACTION PLAN)
Enough is enough. We have sat with our depression for long enough that we have worked through the main reasons for feeling so depressed. We have an understanding of how we got here and we have a picture of what we need to do to move ourselves on to reclaim our lives.
If you feel that you are not yet at this point, then don't continue until you do.
For those of us who feel bored with the previous exercise, we are ready to tackle the practicalities of our life in order to shake out what we no longer require. Like panning for gold, we wash away the unnecessary debris from our life. We start by writing an action plan for change.
Look back to your initial responses when you wrote about your depression. This will give you the key to your action plan.
At this point you are simply writing out the action plan and not undertaking it. This will give you the freedom to write the perfect plan without fear or favor. Write out the perfect scenario, the ideal result and the faultless way it is carried out. Assume you are 100% right and let your imagination flow and liberate itself.
THE WHO
The Who is a plan to take up any issues with others who need to be confronted. Who do we confront? We need to confront anyone who we think is behaving in a way that is holding us back from beating depression. We need to be cautious when we establish this list because we must take into account how much of the 'exploitation' we feel is down to us remaining as the 'victim' and how much really is because the other person is exploiting us. We need to do all we can to purge ourselves of the victim culture until we can do no more, and then assess who needs to be confronted.
Write out the following:
Who needs to be confronted?
This can be as simple as asking the neighbor if they can park a little to the left to help you get out of the drive more easily. It can be as big as facing your parents and explaining that as a child you were sexually abused by a relative and you feel hugely let down and angry that they kept sending you to the relative's house in spite of your protestations. It can be as tricky as having an immediate boss who you think might try to fire you if you apply for a promotion within your company. How do they need to be confronted?
We must choose our method carefully because we want to get the right result so that we can beat our depression. We must be aware of what doesn't work for us. Stand-up rows often leave everyone exhausted. Calm discussion can be the best way. Sometimes having another person there helps. On occasions, mediation is the best way. When are they to be confronted?
What result do you want from confronting them?
Envisage the perfect result before you start. Write it down if necessary. Plan it in your head. If you want to hurt someone, that will not help you beat depression. Instead it will leave you with a guilty conscience once the initial euphoria has gone. Imagine the outcome as an adult, not a child. Think about how a great diplomat would approach the issue. The perfect result is leaving the table with our heads held high, a skip in our walk and the satisfaction that we have taken care of ourselves.
Sometimes we need to confront someone without actually 'taking the problem to them. We do it this way because it's not always good for us to directly face someone we want to confront if it denies us our integrity. For instance, confronting an abusive person and receiving a verbal backlash is not always in our best interest, especially if we are depressed. We may not have enough clarity to respond in a way that protects us.
The four questions of the action plan are simply a guide to help us home in on the main cause of our pain and frustration. Not dealing with a chronic situation renders us depressed, so the questions will help us to get to the bottom of the 'cause and effect' scenario.
When we are depressed, we need to be clear and firm to ourselves who we want to confront and why. We must decide if we need to confront another or identify the historic anger and hurt. The more we can go inside ourselves and repair past damage, the clearer and stronger we feel about confronting others.
By confront, we don't mean shout and bawl our heads off. Confront means to face facts, to tackle or deal with. It means to come out from behind the sofa and sort out something we have been trying to avoid. Avoidance leads to depression. If we aren't ready to confront, then we must go back and look at why we are depressed and find our anger.
We must confront ourselves
When we try to establish who is to blame for our depression, we find that the bottom line usually sits with us. No matter how much we want to blame another person for the way we feel, we can't, except for cases of serious abuse, because we have reduced our own choices.
Lola is depressed because James 'holds her back' by not allowing her to continue with her career. Justin is depressed because his mother is still criticizing him even though he is in his mid-3os. Rachael is depressed because David won't stop drinking. We have to confront ourselves by asking what it is that we are frightened to lose if we tackle these problems. Lola is afraid of losing James's financial support; Justin is afraid of losing his mother's approval; Rachael is frightened of being on her own.
We compromise ourselves for a so-called easy life. If we do this through choice then we are living with integrity. If we do this as a victim, we are blackmailing ourselves. If we are depressed, we have usually allowed another to get away with behavior that we shouldn't tolerate. But it is our responsibility to change it by taking control of a situation or removing ourselves from it. This is our choice, our freedom and our path to reclaiming our life.
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As our honesty grows, we can feel our alliance between our Child and Adult selves growing stronger and more able to deal with situations that previously rendered us helpless and depressed. Our victim stance will diminish as we think about what depresses us and find new ways of undertaking difficult issues. We will find a congruency between how we are inside and how we present ourselves on the outside.
WRITE IT OUT (AN ACTION PLAN)
Enough is enough. We have sat with our depression for long enough that we have worked through the main reasons for feeling so depressed. We have an understanding of how we got here and we have a picture of what we need to do to move ourselves on to reclaim our lives.
If you feel that you are not yet at this point, then don't continue until you do.
For those of us who feel bored with the previous exercise, we are ready to tackle the practicalities of our life in order to shake out what we no longer require. Like panning for gold, we wash away the unnecessary debris from our life. We start by writing an action plan for change.
Look back to your initial responses when you wrote about your depression. This will give you the key to your action plan.
At this point you are simply writing out the action plan and not undertaking it. This will give you the freedom to write the perfect plan without fear or favor. Write out the perfect scenario, the ideal result and the faultless way it is carried out. Assume you are 100% right and let your imagination flow and liberate itself.
THE WHO
The Who is a plan to take up any issues with others who need to be confronted. Who do we confront? We need to confront anyone who we think is behaving in a way that is holding us back from beating depression. We need to be cautious when we establish this list because we must take into account how much of the 'exploitation' we feel is down to us remaining as the 'victim' and how much really is because the other person is exploiting us. We need to do all we can to purge ourselves of the victim culture until we can do no more, and then assess who needs to be confronted.
Write out the following:
Who needs to be confronted?
This can be as simple as asking the neighbor if they can park a little to the left to help you get out of the drive more easily. It can be as big as facing your parents and explaining that as a child you were sexually abused by a relative and you feel hugely let down and angry that they kept sending you to the relative's house in spite of your protestations. It can be as tricky as having an immediate boss who you think might try to fire you if you apply for a promotion within your company. How do they need to be confronted?
We must choose our method carefully because we want to get the right result so that we can beat our depression. We must be aware of what doesn't work for us. Stand-up rows often leave everyone exhausted. Calm discussion can be the best way. Sometimes having another person there helps. On occasions, mediation is the best way. When are they to be confronted?
Likely Page Break
Choose your timing with care. We want to get the best from ourselves and the other person. We need to be clear of our rights and sure of what our limits are - this is when we confront them.What result do you want from confronting them?
Envisage the perfect result before you start. Write it down if necessary. Plan it in your head. If you want to hurt someone, that will not help you beat depression. Instead it will leave you with a guilty conscience once the initial euphoria has gone. Imagine the outcome as an adult, not a child. Think about how a great diplomat would approach the issue. The perfect result is leaving the table with our heads held high, a skip in our walk and the satisfaction that we have taken care of ourselves.
Sometimes we need to confront someone without actually 'taking the problem to them. We do it this way because it's not always good for us to directly face someone we want to confront if it denies us our integrity. For instance, confronting an abusive person and receiving a verbal backlash is not always in our best interest, especially if we are depressed. We may not have enough clarity to respond in a way that protects us.
The four questions of the action plan are simply a guide to help us home in on the main cause of our pain and frustration. Not dealing with a chronic situation renders us depressed, so the questions will help us to get to the bottom of the 'cause and effect' scenario.
When we are depressed, we need to be clear and firm to ourselves who we want to confront and why. We must decide if we need to confront another or identify the historic anger and hurt. The more we can go inside ourselves and repair past damage, the clearer and stronger we feel about confronting others.
By confront, we don't mean shout and bawl our heads off. Confront means to face facts, to tackle or deal with. It means to come out from behind the sofa and sort out something we have been trying to avoid. Avoidance leads to depression. If we aren't ready to confront, then we must go back and look at why we are depressed and find our anger.
We must confront ourselves
When we try to establish who is to blame for our depression, we find that the bottom line usually sits with us. No matter how much we want to blame another person for the way we feel, we can't, except for cases of serious abuse, because we have reduced our own choices.
Lola is depressed because James 'holds her back' by not allowing her to continue with her career. Justin is depressed because his mother is still criticizing him even though he is in his mid-3os. Rachael is depressed because David won't stop drinking. We have to confront ourselves by asking what it is that we are frightened to lose if we tackle these problems. Lola is afraid of losing James's financial support; Justin is afraid of losing his mother's approval; Rachael is frightened of being on her own.
We compromise ourselves for a so-called easy life. If we do this through choice then we are living with integrity. If we do this as a victim, we are blackmailing ourselves. If we are depressed, we have usually allowed another to get away with behavior that we shouldn't tolerate. But it is our responsibility to change it by taking control of a situation or removing ourselves from it. This is our choice, our freedom and our path to reclaiming our life.
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Why We Cannot Take Action when Wanting to Cure Depression
It's time to take action. It's easy to put it off when we are depressed. But we must urge ourselves to move forward. We must find the courage to challenge what is holding us back. If we have done the work thoroughly, we will be ready, because we will have moved out of isolation and the 'stuck-ness' that depression fills us with.
If we can't make the move yet, we must examine our fears. We can work through the 'First Step First' plan again and take our time in simply shifting ourselves one step at a time.
WHAT IF WE CAN'T TAKE ACTION?
If we can't take action, or can't be bothered to take action, we have to look at why not. There are several reasons why this is and they are as follows.
'It's not that bad'
We have read the book and weighed up the ideas and decided that our depression is not that bad and these ideas are for someone else. If we are at this point, we are not really suffering. Or we are too afraid to do what we know is necessary to conquer it. If this is the case, we need to comfort our child and form a plan that makes the necessary action challenging but manageable. We must step back until we are prepared.
We want a 'quick fix'
We want immediate relief and these ideas are too long and cumbersome. Depending on how long we have been depressed, we may find that we have tried quick fixes and they simply haven't worked. The most common fix I use is to tell myself that I'm overreacting when it comes to responding to another person in a way that feels horrible inside. I don't want to have to look at why I feel like that; I don't want to have to take responsibility for myself; I don't want to have to say something to someone in order to set my limits and tell them what I need. It's hard work, so the fix is to tell myself that I've got it wrong and they are acting OK. The trouble is, I compromise myself by avoiding the nitty-gritty of communicating with someone else. It's hard work for me and I don't find it easy. So I say nothing and 'grin and bear' it. This works for a short time, then I find myself becoming irritated with them and wanting to be sarcastic or shaming. I must then swallow those utterances if we are to remain friends. In turn I swallow the problem, and I feel bad about myself and eventually get depressed.
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If we can't make the move yet, we must examine our fears. We can work through the 'First Step First' plan again and take our time in simply shifting ourselves one step at a time.
WHAT IF WE CAN'T TAKE ACTION?
If we can't take action, or can't be bothered to take action, we have to look at why not. There are several reasons why this is and they are as follows.
'It's not that bad'
We have read the book and weighed up the ideas and decided that our depression is not that bad and these ideas are for someone else. If we are at this point, we are not really suffering. Or we are too afraid to do what we know is necessary to conquer it. If this is the case, we need to comfort our child and form a plan that makes the necessary action challenging but manageable. We must step back until we are prepared.
We want a 'quick fix'
We want immediate relief and these ideas are too long and cumbersome. Depending on how long we have been depressed, we may find that we have tried quick fixes and they simply haven't worked. The most common fix I use is to tell myself that I'm overreacting when it comes to responding to another person in a way that feels horrible inside. I don't want to have to look at why I feel like that; I don't want to have to take responsibility for myself; I don't want to have to say something to someone in order to set my limits and tell them what I need. It's hard work, so the fix is to tell myself that I've got it wrong and they are acting OK. The trouble is, I compromise myself by avoiding the nitty-gritty of communicating with someone else. It's hard work for me and I don't find it easy. So I say nothing and 'grin and bear' it. This works for a short time, then I find myself becoming irritated with them and wanting to be sarcastic or shaming. I must then swallow those utterances if we are to remain friends. In turn I swallow the problem, and I feel bad about myself and eventually get depressed.
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Why We Must Stop Our Black and White Thinking
Black-and-white thinking is common for some of us who have become very depressed. It's the 'all or nothing' scenario voicing the extremity of our feelings. For example, 'I will never get out of this mess'; 'I will never feel good again'; 'This is how my life is going to be forever'; this is the manner in which we think in our depressed moments. The struggle to beat depression just feels too hard.
The consequences of thinking like this can spiral us downwards as our thoughts tell us that the world is a bad place and that we are victims. Black-and-white thinking keeps us stuck, as we see life as a series of crises to be 'got through'. We are acting as a child with no defense and no rights. We must remain aware that we have rights and we have the power to assert them.
This mode of thinking will begin to lessen as we put right what has dented us and we feel less like a victim. There are ways to lessen black-and-white thinking.
Thinking Neutral
Thinking Neutral can enable us to feel more balanced and at ease with the world. It is about learning to accept events with a more impartial approach. With black-and-white thinking we can often feel that every event has happened just to try and get at us. But this is not reality. Events happen and people say and do things that really have no impact on us except for the way we view them.
Thinking Neutral can help us to start seeing events as clouds moving across the sky while we watch them go by. We don't get upset about what we can't change as we accept our powerlessness over events and other people. We don't raise our hopes to dizzy heights. We feel less sad as we realize that most of our gloom is about a perceived or threatened loss and rarely about something we have actually lost.
Through Neutral Thinking we can start to live with a certain detachment that enables us to watch and feel the reaction we have to life's events without getting caught up in them. In terms of the Adult/Parent/Child split, it is like an adult watching a child carefully as she plays in the park with others; the adult is attuned to the variety of emotions, reactions and tussles the child goes through without actually getting involved, making judgments or having any reaction. Unless the child is in danger, the adult watches life go on without any worry, knowing that it's just life happening.
One of the hardest but most profound feats to accomplish is letting go of our 'highs'. Viewing 'highs' as being as disruptive as 'lows' is a complex task. We are constantly bombarded with images, sounds and ideas of what will give us the 'nirvana' we all crave and it seems to arrive in money, cars, property, clothes etc. The distraction that we nurture and celebrate takes us far away from Neutral Thinking and can result in depression, because we do not receive the comfort and love that the Child part of us needs to feel warm and secure. We are too busy relying on external things to give us a temporary high. Having 'things' clutters us up and, if we are on that circuit, someone else will always have more. So we are constantly striving to succeed in material gain.
Many people say, yes, but you have to pay the bills. Yes, we have to pay the bills but if we are trying to beat our depression
by working ourselves into the ground so we can buy 'highs' or constantly looking for others' approval, we have lost our own power and control. This is beyond working to pay the bills, this is obsessive working and will bring us further away from 'neutral thinking'.
Just Say STOP
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The consequences of thinking like this can spiral us downwards as our thoughts tell us that the world is a bad place and that we are victims. Black-and-white thinking keeps us stuck, as we see life as a series of crises to be 'got through'. We are acting as a child with no defense and no rights. We must remain aware that we have rights and we have the power to assert them.
This mode of thinking will begin to lessen as we put right what has dented us and we feel less like a victim. There are ways to lessen black-and-white thinking.
Thinking Neutral
Thinking Neutral can enable us to feel more balanced and at ease with the world. It is about learning to accept events with a more impartial approach. With black-and-white thinking we can often feel that every event has happened just to try and get at us. But this is not reality. Events happen and people say and do things that really have no impact on us except for the way we view them.
Thinking Neutral can help us to start seeing events as clouds moving across the sky while we watch them go by. We don't get upset about what we can't change as we accept our powerlessness over events and other people. We don't raise our hopes to dizzy heights. We feel less sad as we realize that most of our gloom is about a perceived or threatened loss and rarely about something we have actually lost.
Through Neutral Thinking we can start to live with a certain detachment that enables us to watch and feel the reaction we have to life's events without getting caught up in them. In terms of the Adult/Parent/Child split, it is like an adult watching a child carefully as she plays in the park with others; the adult is attuned to the variety of emotions, reactions and tussles the child goes through without actually getting involved, making judgments or having any reaction. Unless the child is in danger, the adult watches life go on without any worry, knowing that it's just life happening.
One of the hardest but most profound feats to accomplish is letting go of our 'highs'. Viewing 'highs' as being as disruptive as 'lows' is a complex task. We are constantly bombarded with images, sounds and ideas of what will give us the 'nirvana' we all crave and it seems to arrive in money, cars, property, clothes etc. The distraction that we nurture and celebrate takes us far away from Neutral Thinking and can result in depression, because we do not receive the comfort and love that the Child part of us needs to feel warm and secure. We are too busy relying on external things to give us a temporary high. Having 'things' clutters us up and, if we are on that circuit, someone else will always have more. So we are constantly striving to succeed in material gain.
Many people say, yes, but you have to pay the bills. Yes, we have to pay the bills but if we are trying to beat our depression
by working ourselves into the ground so we can buy 'highs' or constantly looking for others' approval, we have lost our own power and control. This is beyond working to pay the bills, this is obsessive working and will bring us further away from 'neutral thinking'.
Just Say STOP
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A simple start to lessening black-and-white thinking is to say to ourselves, when we find our minds racing along at a hundred miles an hour, 'STOP!' We can calm our thoughts instantly with this simple technique. We may only stop the mind racing for one or two seconds to begin with, but as we practice this technique the seconds will grow. Put a big STOP! Sign on your wall and just do it every time you walk by. It's an extraordinarily simple thing but it works.
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How Meditation Can Help Overcome Your Black-And-White Thinking
This can be done anywhere and anytime. It is a way we can take a couple of minutes to relax and gain a little perspective:
Sit or lie down comfortably. Let your thoughts come and go for a minute. You will sense the different feelings that your thoughts engender. Now, turn your racing thoughts into a calm and still lake. Watch the lake and visualize it as quiet and placid as a mirror. You know that in the deep waters your emotions are stored. But, for the moment, you feel the calmness of the surface. If your mind starts to race, simply witness it as a third party without judgment. Notice how your feelings become calm and your stomach relaxes. As fear rises from the surface then let it float away on the surface of the lake until it becomes calm once more. Feel the beauty of the lake's surface. Feel the stillness in your soul.
This meditation need only be a few minutes long. It is a little sanctuary that's available to us any time we want. It is not meant to be an in-depth meditation but a tool to develop that will give us a bolt hole in the middle of the day, when we are sitting on the tube or on the loo when we have taken a break from a stressful meeting. It's one of those things that gets better the more we practice.
There are many fantastic books and tapes available to us for all types of meditation. There are complete programs devoted to teaching us how to integrate meditation into our lives and using it as a tool for combating stress. Whether we invest in one of these or use a simple technique like the one above, we will benefit by these techniques. Find a technique that works for you, and it will quiet your racing mind and help to stop your black-and-white thinking.
Whatever our preference, we must put in place a change in our thinking in order that we take on new thoughts. 'Racing thoughts' is an epidemic for those of us who are depressed. Our thinking numbs our spirit and it is important that we try new techniques to help combat our racing minds to help forge a space for healing. For those of us who have suffered from depression for a long time, we will probably always be susceptible to depression, and employing meditation will help us to change our habits to keep depression at bay. At its best, meditation can help us reach a state of joy that we never knew was possible.
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Sit or lie down comfortably. Let your thoughts come and go for a minute. You will sense the different feelings that your thoughts engender. Now, turn your racing thoughts into a calm and still lake. Watch the lake and visualize it as quiet and placid as a mirror. You know that in the deep waters your emotions are stored. But, for the moment, you feel the calmness of the surface. If your mind starts to race, simply witness it as a third party without judgment. Notice how your feelings become calm and your stomach relaxes. As fear rises from the surface then let it float away on the surface of the lake until it becomes calm once more. Feel the beauty of the lake's surface. Feel the stillness in your soul.
This meditation need only be a few minutes long. It is a little sanctuary that's available to us any time we want. It is not meant to be an in-depth meditation but a tool to develop that will give us a bolt hole in the middle of the day, when we are sitting on the tube or on the loo when we have taken a break from a stressful meeting. It's one of those things that gets better the more we practice.
There are many fantastic books and tapes available to us for all types of meditation. There are complete programs devoted to teaching us how to integrate meditation into our lives and using it as a tool for combating stress. Whether we invest in one of these or use a simple technique like the one above, we will benefit by these techniques. Find a technique that works for you, and it will quiet your racing mind and help to stop your black-and-white thinking.
Whatever our preference, we must put in place a change in our thinking in order that we take on new thoughts. 'Racing thoughts' is an epidemic for those of us who are depressed. Our thinking numbs our spirit and it is important that we try new techniques to help combat our racing minds to help forge a space for healing. For those of us who have suffered from depression for a long time, we will probably always be susceptible to depression, and employing meditation will help us to change our habits to keep depression at bay. At its best, meditation can help us reach a state of joy that we never knew was possible.
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Depression Tips: Reasons Why We Do Not Take Action to Recover
Let's examine why we know what to do to help ourselves, but still do not put it into action.
We are angry
Maybe we are so angry that we won't try to attempt someone else's suggestions. We feel patronized and loathing of anyone else trying to tell us how we feel. We are still angry and we haven't got to the pain. We have to go back and address the 'seesaw' of pain and anger, which is too high at the angry end.
Going it alone
When we are depressed the easy option is not to ask for help as we don't want other people to be involved in our life. This risks stagnation because if we don't open our hearts to others, we stay stuck with the idea that there is something wrong with us and this leads us into isolation.
We have to take that first risky step of reaching out and asking another to be a friend, even if it's only a two-minute conversation. It's a continuous amazement to me how a short exchange with someone else can feel so profound. In being honest with a trusted colleague at the start of the day, I have turned my depression around with a short exchange by telling them exactly how I feel and having them nodding with under-standing and reflecting on their own status. It's enough and it works. The secret is getting the conditions right to create the trust needed to open up.
We are sorting everyone else out
When we are depressed it is easy for us to focus on everyone else's needs and disregard our own. We can feel as if we have no value and the only worth we feel comes from helping others out. We may ignore pleas to stop, for to stop would be too painful. We may choose others who are unable to tell us to stop. We may choose to feel angry that we are not appreciated and then we can forget that we are depressed because we have the martyr stance to save us from our depression.
We are simply too depressed
If this is the case then we are not ready and we can rest up. It's not our time and we cannot push ourselves any more. Depression involves forcing ourselves to be 'happy' when we're not or 'pro-active' when we can't be. If it isn't time for us to take action then we can simply choose not to.
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We are angry
Maybe we are so angry that we won't try to attempt someone else's suggestions. We feel patronized and loathing of anyone else trying to tell us how we feel. We are still angry and we haven't got to the pain. We have to go back and address the 'seesaw' of pain and anger, which is too high at the angry end.
Going it alone
When we are depressed the easy option is not to ask for help as we don't want other people to be involved in our life. This risks stagnation because if we don't open our hearts to others, we stay stuck with the idea that there is something wrong with us and this leads us into isolation.
We have to take that first risky step of reaching out and asking another to be a friend, even if it's only a two-minute conversation. It's a continuous amazement to me how a short exchange with someone else can feel so profound. In being honest with a trusted colleague at the start of the day, I have turned my depression around with a short exchange by telling them exactly how I feel and having them nodding with under-standing and reflecting on their own status. It's enough and it works. The secret is getting the conditions right to create the trust needed to open up.
We are sorting everyone else out
When we are depressed it is easy for us to focus on everyone else's needs and disregard our own. We can feel as if we have no value and the only worth we feel comes from helping others out. We may ignore pleas to stop, for to stop would be too painful. We may choose others who are unable to tell us to stop. We may choose to feel angry that we are not appreciated and then we can forget that we are depressed because we have the martyr stance to save us from our depression.
We are simply too depressed
If this is the case then we are not ready and we can rest up. It's not our time and we cannot push ourselves any more. Depression involves forcing ourselves to be 'happy' when we're not or 'pro-active' when we can't be. If it isn't time for us to take action then we can simply choose not to.
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Depression: Reclaim Power, Stop Being a Victim
The following exercises will start to help you unravel some of the mysteries that come with living in the Victim Culture.
TAKING ON RESPONSIBILITY
How do we readjust the power balance?
This exercise will help you identify how and why we hand power over and how you can start to reclaim it.
1. In your journal, write down the main person you have in your mind while reading this section. > Write down 3 examples of what you do when you are with them that you would rather you didn't do.
2. Write down why you act like this.
3. How does it affect you when you compromise yourself?? What is the feeling of loss? What feelings or issues are you sidestepping?
4. What do your feelings remind you of?
5. If you turned away from that person with these feelings intact, what would you do to resolve your dilemma?
6. And what practical action could you take?
A very common reason why someone is depressed is that they hold on to a relationship that is not right for them because they are very frightened of being single. We can feel so 'close' to another that the thought of being without them can send us into a panic. The ongoing compromising we do to maintain a relationship can be at a great cost to ourselves. Indeed, the greater our fear of being alone, the greater our need to compromise ourselves, and the more power we give to another.
If we give our power away to another person in a close relationship, the chances are we also still hold our parents in an authoritative place. If we view our parents as adults and as equals, we are less likely to 'cling' to another to avoid being on our own. For this reason, it may be wise to address our relationship with our parents before we move out of our partner's pad and fall apart without him/her.
The fastest way of addressing our issues with other people is to identify what it is we are frightened of confronting, e.g. getting a job, being on our own, meeting new people, and look at how we are using another person to shield us from our fears.
WE NEED TO ASK OURSELVES THESE QUESTIONS:
• What is it about this person that I imagine they are 'doing something' to me?
• What do I do to compromise myself in their company?
• What is it I am so afraid of that I am willing to compromise what I really want to do/think/see/feel by hiding behind them?
If we can ask ourselves these questions and start writing a piece in our journal every day, we will find the end of the ball of wool and begin to unravel a mystery that can lead to new insights - and these insights will help us to reclaim our life. This exercise will act like a hot knife through butter. The more we work on it, the more we will balance our relationships, because we will naturally compromise ourselves less. Remember, this is learned behavior. No one is born with a goal to feel like a victim or suffer depression. This route to identifying what keeps us feeling "stuck" in a relationship is a good starting point.
In your journal, write down a list of people to whom you give your power. Work out how you will readjust the power balance. You can be assured that there is no quick fix and that this is a lifelong exercise. But the awareness you gather from undertaking these first steps is a lifelong tool and will help you with every area of your life. You will be on your way to beating your depression.
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TAKING ON RESPONSIBILITY
How do we readjust the power balance?
This exercise will help you identify how and why we hand power over and how you can start to reclaim it.
1. In your journal, write down the main person you have in your mind while reading this section. > Write down 3 examples of what you do when you are with them that you would rather you didn't do.
2. Write down why you act like this.
3. How does it affect you when you compromise yourself?? What is the feeling of loss? What feelings or issues are you sidestepping?
4. What do your feelings remind you of?
5. If you turned away from that person with these feelings intact, what would you do to resolve your dilemma?
6. And what practical action could you take?
A very common reason why someone is depressed is that they hold on to a relationship that is not right for them because they are very frightened of being single. We can feel so 'close' to another that the thought of being without them can send us into a panic. The ongoing compromising we do to maintain a relationship can be at a great cost to ourselves. Indeed, the greater our fear of being alone, the greater our need to compromise ourselves, and the more power we give to another.
If we give our power away to another person in a close relationship, the chances are we also still hold our parents in an authoritative place. If we view our parents as adults and as equals, we are less likely to 'cling' to another to avoid being on our own. For this reason, it may be wise to address our relationship with our parents before we move out of our partner's pad and fall apart without him/her.
The fastest way of addressing our issues with other people is to identify what it is we are frightened of confronting, e.g. getting a job, being on our own, meeting new people, and look at how we are using another person to shield us from our fears.
WE NEED TO ASK OURSELVES THESE QUESTIONS:
• What is it about this person that I imagine they are 'doing something' to me?
• What do I do to compromise myself in their company?
• What is it I am so afraid of that I am willing to compromise what I really want to do/think/see/feel by hiding behind them?
If we can ask ourselves these questions and start writing a piece in our journal every day, we will find the end of the ball of wool and begin to unravel a mystery that can lead to new insights - and these insights will help us to reclaim our life. This exercise will act like a hot knife through butter. The more we work on it, the more we will balance our relationships, because we will naturally compromise ourselves less. Remember, this is learned behavior. No one is born with a goal to feel like a victim or suffer depression. This route to identifying what keeps us feeling "stuck" in a relationship is a good starting point.
In your journal, write down a list of people to whom you give your power. Work out how you will readjust the power balance. You can be assured that there is no quick fix and that this is a lifelong exercise. But the awareness you gather from undertaking these first steps is a lifelong tool and will help you with every area of your life. You will be on your way to beating your depression.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Recover from Depression by Learning to Talk to Yourself
This task is about re-parenting ourselves. Re-parenting is simply about finding a new way to talk to ourselves which is supportive, constructive, gentle and firm. This technique is covered in the first part and below is an exercise which will further this development - integration.
Integration is the bringing together of all parts of us so that we may feel 'whole' or 'complete'. Integration is about tempering the negative Parent, feeding the hungry Child and sourcing the wisdom on how to do this from our Adult.
EXERCISE 1:
Write down all the messages you give out to yourself. The more you listen to yourself, the more you will hear. Just jot them down in your journal and become more aware of them.
EXERCISE 2:
What are you demanding from yourself that the Child part of you is not fulfilling? For example, when I started to listen I discovered that every message I gave myself was critical. I was looking for complete perfection in myself. Decide what is behind your self-criticism and write it in your journal.
EXERCISE 3: AMEND YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF.
In my case, I realized it is not human to demand flawlessness. I am a human being and humans are flawed. Though It has taken me many years to appreciate this in a very profound way, I started the whole journey by amending what I expected of myself and i lowered my demands. This didn't come easy] 1 had to ask others what they expected of themselves. I had to ask others what they thought of my self-imposed goals. I attended a 12-Step group and listened to other people and their method of kicking back' and easing up on themselves. After some months I cautiously began to administer some of this antidote to myself. This helped me because I was allowing myself to be more 'normal' and not the superhuman being that I was scared to let goof. I know now that appearing superhuman was my way of covering up my depression and frailty. It is also a way of keeping others away from me.
By amending our expectations of ourselves, we may begin to raise the anger that has been dormant. This is part of the natural grief process, with the grief being for what we have lost through our self-criticism.
EXERCISE 4:
Taking the negative messages from the first exercise, write next to them a phrase that is nurturing and comforting. Make up Post-it notes, or use codes, and put five of these new messages up around your house or somewhere where you will walk past them and notice them continuously.
For example, the critical messages below now have a new and supportive note below them:
You're hopeless
You are not hopeless, you are feeling down at the moment but it will pass and you will have more energy to 'do stuff
You can do nothing right
You do many things right
Why don't you get off your backside and DO something
You are recovering from depression, which is debilitating; easy does it
I hate you when you slump like this
I can sense that you need sometime out and I will sort it for you
You should have got over this by now
Depression can take a long time to recover from
Why bother, nobody cares anyway
I care
You never get it right
You get many things right. These include: XYZ
As you see these new messages simply read them to yourself as you walk by. Feel your anger rise as you feel cheated of being yourself. Tell the Parent in you to get stuffed when you hear the continual condemnation. Tell your Parent to go to hell and leave you alone.
Some new rules
There are some rules that we can undertake which will help us learn to re-parent ourselves. Some of these rules may replace our old rules. They are as follows:
1. It's OK to make mistakes; this is a normal part of life and making mistakes helps us to learn.
2. Stop lying. Lying causes unnecessary stress in our life because we need to be so vigilant in keeping up the circle of lies. This is a waste of energy.
3. It is OK to feel whatever you feel. Feelings are normal, whatever they are; they are a natural response to life.
4. It is OK and even essential to have fun, go out to play and laugh.
5. It is OK to set boundaries by saying 'NO'. This will help us feel more safe and liberated.
6. It's OK to be different from others.
7. We don't have to compete with others to be good enough.
8. It's imperative that we take responsibility for ourselves and our actions.
9. It is OK to need other people in our life.
10. We no longer have to control others to feel safe. Safety now growl inside us as we take care of ourselves.
As we weed out the critical direction that we give ourselves, we will leave a space for these and other new rules to settle into their place.
We may think that it is someone else who is 'making' us depressed by continually criticizing us; there is a well-known assumption that we actually project our own blockages on to the people we are drawn to. This is because when we are stuck, as we are when we are depressed, we are attracted to people who will parallel our inner voice and treat us the way we treat ourselves. This brings the steadfast problem to the fore and causes us to face up to the blockage.
We have to stop blaming other people for our dilemma and take responsibility for our own quandary if we want to beat depression. This can seem so hard when all we can see is another person bullying or victimizing us. If we can identify our internal criticism - and our Child's reaction - and find the strength to change it, we can begin to notice the power we have to change our own feelings. Just try them once to become fully aware of the difference one half-hour can make to the way you feel about yourself.
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Integration is the bringing together of all parts of us so that we may feel 'whole' or 'complete'. Integration is about tempering the negative Parent, feeding the hungry Child and sourcing the wisdom on how to do this from our Adult.
EXERCISE 1:
Write down all the messages you give out to yourself. The more you listen to yourself, the more you will hear. Just jot them down in your journal and become more aware of them.
EXERCISE 2:
What are you demanding from yourself that the Child part of you is not fulfilling? For example, when I started to listen I discovered that every message I gave myself was critical. I was looking for complete perfection in myself. Decide what is behind your self-criticism and write it in your journal.
EXERCISE 3: AMEND YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF.
In my case, I realized it is not human to demand flawlessness. I am a human being and humans are flawed. Though It has taken me many years to appreciate this in a very profound way, I started the whole journey by amending what I expected of myself and i lowered my demands. This didn't come easy] 1 had to ask others what they expected of themselves. I had to ask others what they thought of my self-imposed goals. I attended a 12-Step group and listened to other people and their method of kicking back' and easing up on themselves. After some months I cautiously began to administer some of this antidote to myself. This helped me because I was allowing myself to be more 'normal' and not the superhuman being that I was scared to let goof. I know now that appearing superhuman was my way of covering up my depression and frailty. It is also a way of keeping others away from me.
By amending our expectations of ourselves, we may begin to raise the anger that has been dormant. This is part of the natural grief process, with the grief being for what we have lost through our self-criticism.
EXERCISE 4:
Taking the negative messages from the first exercise, write next to them a phrase that is nurturing and comforting. Make up Post-it notes, or use codes, and put five of these new messages up around your house or somewhere where you will walk past them and notice them continuously.
For example, the critical messages below now have a new and supportive note below them:
You're hopeless
You are not hopeless, you are feeling down at the moment but it will pass and you will have more energy to 'do stuff
You can do nothing right
You do many things right
Why don't you get off your backside and DO something
You are recovering from depression, which is debilitating; easy does it
I hate you when you slump like this
I can sense that you need sometime out and I will sort it for you
You should have got over this by now
Depression can take a long time to recover from
Why bother, nobody cares anyway
I care
You never get it right
You get many things right. These include: XYZ
As you see these new messages simply read them to yourself as you walk by. Feel your anger rise as you feel cheated of being yourself. Tell the Parent in you to get stuffed when you hear the continual condemnation. Tell your Parent to go to hell and leave you alone.
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At the same time, find your nurturing Adult come out to soothe you. We all want comforting words and touch. We need to treat ourselves with gentleness and love. The Adult is the place to go for new information. If it is reluctant to come to you, ask your Adult for help. Make up your own prayer and say it over and over. Persist with this exercise, because it will eventually come to you.Some new rules
There are some rules that we can undertake which will help us learn to re-parent ourselves. Some of these rules may replace our old rules. They are as follows:
1. It's OK to make mistakes; this is a normal part of life and making mistakes helps us to learn.
2. Stop lying. Lying causes unnecessary stress in our life because we need to be so vigilant in keeping up the circle of lies. This is a waste of energy.
3. It is OK to feel whatever you feel. Feelings are normal, whatever they are; they are a natural response to life.
4. It is OK and even essential to have fun, go out to play and laugh.
5. It is OK to set boundaries by saying 'NO'. This will help us feel more safe and liberated.
6. It's OK to be different from others.
7. We don't have to compete with others to be good enough.
8. It's imperative that we take responsibility for ourselves and our actions.
9. It is OK to need other people in our life.
10. We no longer have to control others to feel safe. Safety now growl inside us as we take care of ourselves.
As we weed out the critical direction that we give ourselves, we will leave a space for these and other new rules to settle into their place.
We may think that it is someone else who is 'making' us depressed by continually criticizing us; there is a well-known assumption that we actually project our own blockages on to the people we are drawn to. This is because when we are stuck, as we are when we are depressed, we are attracted to people who will parallel our inner voice and treat us the way we treat ourselves. This brings the steadfast problem to the fore and causes us to face up to the blockage.
We have to stop blaming other people for our dilemma and take responsibility for our own quandary if we want to beat depression. This can seem so hard when all we can see is another person bullying or victimizing us. If we can identify our internal criticism - and our Child's reaction - and find the strength to change it, we can begin to notice the power we have to change our own feelings. Just try them once to become fully aware of the difference one half-hour can make to the way you feel about yourself.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Divided Inner-Selves: The Child, The Parent and The Adult
We are made up of a variety of components. The components encompass emotions, morals, voices spinning around our heads, values, principles, ethics, a "right and wrong" agenda, suppressed feelings, out-of-control feelings, opinions, beliefs, hidden agendas, plans, schedules, motivations, competitions to win, struggles to maintain, lies to cover up and judgments to be made. And when we are depressed, we can feel as though we are losing the "plot," especially when others tell us to sort ourselves out! Where do we start to help ourselves?
In our psyche, there lives our Child self, our Parent self and our Adult self. The Child holds our emotions. The Parent holds the parenting rules we have learned from our own parents. The Adult is the link to our God, our Higher Power.
THE CHILD
For some of us, the mere mention of the 'child' in us can make us cringe and run for cover. We are frightened by the thought of uncovering this part of us. We are ashamed of this part of us because it is where we store our secrets, the things we would never tell anyone else, the habits we carry out which, if anyone else were to see, we would die of embarrassment. But the Child in us also carries our pain, stores our anger and obeys the rules which say they are too shameful or too painful to be let out.
Children are naturally joyful. If we look around at children at play, they are laughing, shouting, exploring and screaming with delight. For those of us who are depressed, joy can mean an absence of depression, an absence of pain or no feelings at all. But true joy is what children express when they're happy. Their behavior is a good indicator of where we want to be.
The Child in us holds our emotions. The Child obeys the rules, and if the rules are 'don't talk, don't trust, don't feel', then the Child will do what the rules say and stay blocked and depressed. However, we have the potential to feel as joyful as those children we see playing with their friends.
THE ADULT
The Adult is our wisdom. Knowledge can be taught but wisdom cannot. We are born with this wisdom. This wisdom has no grievance, nor ignorance. Our wisdom knows the proper limits for ourselves. Our wisdom can distinguish between good and evil. It can weigh up all significant factors, get a sense of pro-portion, and attach importance to a problem. Our wisdom has no fear, grief, malice or arrogance. Our wisdom is our clean self. Our wisdom is the part of us that knows the truth even if we don't want to hear it.
The Adult is the part of us that is linked to our Higher Power. This part of us can access our true path and holds the information we need to be loyal to ourselves. We can start to listen to this part of us and trust what we hear. We can call on our Adult at any time for the right answer.
It may take some time to get the hang of this technique but it will come. It took me several years to hear my Adult voice, and that was because I constantly dismissed it as nonsense. I didn't trust myself enough, but meditation helped me - as well as doing the exercise to meet my Higher Power. I now find the answers come quickly.
THE PARENT
The Parent is the part of ourselves that governs us. It has absorbed rules and regulations and has passed these on to the Child. The messages we hear from the Parent can be loving, gentle and affirming or harsh, critical and judgmental. Our Parental messages will have been put in place by how we were parented as children. It's not often we get a chance to challenge these rules but this is a good time to begin.
The Negative Parent
To start to hear the Parent in us, we can make this statement: 'I want to put everything down and go out to play.' Listen hard to the voice that follows the statement. For those of us who are depressed, the voice will usually sound critical and put up a barrier. For example, 'There is too much to do,' 'This is no time to play,' or 'You've no right to start demanding pleasure at a time like this.' We might find that the voice sounds exactly like that used by our parents when we were children. The more we delve into the parental voices, the clearer it becomes. In time we find that we can spot this voice in an instant. It doesn't take long to develop this skill. Within three days of consistently listening to the internal criticism, we will have good clues to which voice is negatively parenting us.
The Loving Parent
There is a loving Parent inside us as well as a negative Parent. We want to mobilize the loving Parent for our good. We can identify this loving Parent when we hear the soothing voice or the 'pat on the back' voice. It may seem hard to grasp this to begin with and if we struggle with this part of ourselves, we can actually 'borrow' someone else's loving Parent for a moment.
To do this, we do something for someone else and wait for their response. If we help a short person by reaching for an item off the top shelf, let a harassed parent go first in the queue, or help an older person along the road, we will get a positive response. Then we can feel what it's like to experience a warm glow in our stomach - the Child part of us.
With persistence we can start to separate the loving Parent away from the negative Parent and use the loving influence to put pressure on the nagging, critical voice that can dominate us.
For example, what we want to hear in response to, "I want to put everything down and go out to play" is something like, "We have work to do for the next two hours but after that we shall go out for a walk; we can fit it in before we have to make dinner." The Child in us wants fairness and support. We have to acknowledge that we need to have some nurturing time in order to feel whole and loved.
If you've been depressed for a long time, you may have lost the gist of what you need to feel un-depressed. Write out a list of five things you would like to do when time is free. Remember - the Child in us doesn't need money to have a good time. Like a child, we want and crave love and attention; that's what will get us feeling good - not the money substitute. And now we can give ourselves love and attention because we have the tools and the know-how.
The loving Parent will also manage the Child by setting limits, being fair and firm, listening and explaining, talking the Child through fear, and making decisions for the best. For those of us who find these parameters difficult to grasp, we can get help in order that we learn how to do this. We can watch people speaking to their children and learn from this. We can enroll on parenting courses. We can seek counseling.
Most profound, however, is to ask our own seat of wisdom -our Adult self. This is how the three parts of us work together. The depressed Child turns to the Parent for reassurance, guidance and love, and the Parent turns to the Adult for the correct information to assist the Child to grow up.
This is a central hub of reclaiming our life. So, we need to identify each part of us and help ourselves to function to our potential. How do we do this?
There are many ways we can approach this question. However, one concise method of separating the child from the parent is to look at how we talk negatively to ourselves.
To begin with, we identify how we negatively parent ourselves in a way that renders us crumpled and depressed. This would include things we say to ourselves:
• You're hopeless
• You can do nothing right
• Why don't you get off your backside and do something
• I hate you when you slump like this
• You should have got over this by now
• Why bother, nobody cares anyway
• You never get it right
Sometimes these phrases are so ingrained in us that we can't even hear them. Remember that nothing keeps us 'pressed down' and blocked like verbal abuse.
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In our psyche, there lives our Child self, our Parent self and our Adult self. The Child holds our emotions. The Parent holds the parenting rules we have learned from our own parents. The Adult is the link to our God, our Higher Power.
THE CHILD
For some of us, the mere mention of the 'child' in us can make us cringe and run for cover. We are frightened by the thought of uncovering this part of us. We are ashamed of this part of us because it is where we store our secrets, the things we would never tell anyone else, the habits we carry out which, if anyone else were to see, we would die of embarrassment. But the Child in us also carries our pain, stores our anger and obeys the rules which say they are too shameful or too painful to be let out.
Children are naturally joyful. If we look around at children at play, they are laughing, shouting, exploring and screaming with delight. For those of us who are depressed, joy can mean an absence of depression, an absence of pain or no feelings at all. But true joy is what children express when they're happy. Their behavior is a good indicator of where we want to be.
The Child in us holds our emotions. The Child obeys the rules, and if the rules are 'don't talk, don't trust, don't feel', then the Child will do what the rules say and stay blocked and depressed. However, we have the potential to feel as joyful as those children we see playing with their friends.
THE ADULT
The Adult is our wisdom. Knowledge can be taught but wisdom cannot. We are born with this wisdom. This wisdom has no grievance, nor ignorance. Our wisdom knows the proper limits for ourselves. Our wisdom can distinguish between good and evil. It can weigh up all significant factors, get a sense of pro-portion, and attach importance to a problem. Our wisdom has no fear, grief, malice or arrogance. Our wisdom is our clean self. Our wisdom is the part of us that knows the truth even if we don't want to hear it.
The Adult is the part of us that is linked to our Higher Power. This part of us can access our true path and holds the information we need to be loyal to ourselves. We can start to listen to this part of us and trust what we hear. We can call on our Adult at any time for the right answer.
It may take some time to get the hang of this technique but it will come. It took me several years to hear my Adult voice, and that was because I constantly dismissed it as nonsense. I didn't trust myself enough, but meditation helped me - as well as doing the exercise to meet my Higher Power. I now find the answers come quickly.
THE PARENT
The Parent is the part of ourselves that governs us. It has absorbed rules and regulations and has passed these on to the Child. The messages we hear from the Parent can be loving, gentle and affirming or harsh, critical and judgmental. Our Parental messages will have been put in place by how we were parented as children. It's not often we get a chance to challenge these rules but this is a good time to begin.
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If we are depressed, it will have a lot to do with feeling under pressure to live by someone else's values. If we had challenged the authority of others, we might not be depressed now. We would also have a Parent who is present to take care of the Child in a way that engendered self-responsibility, joy, fun and satisfaction. But we don't, so this is the time to have a look at how the Parent treats us and make changes that will help us beat depression and reclaim our life.The Negative Parent
To start to hear the Parent in us, we can make this statement: 'I want to put everything down and go out to play.' Listen hard to the voice that follows the statement. For those of us who are depressed, the voice will usually sound critical and put up a barrier. For example, 'There is too much to do,' 'This is no time to play,' or 'You've no right to start demanding pleasure at a time like this.' We might find that the voice sounds exactly like that used by our parents when we were children. The more we delve into the parental voices, the clearer it becomes. In time we find that we can spot this voice in an instant. It doesn't take long to develop this skill. Within three days of consistently listening to the internal criticism, we will have good clues to which voice is negatively parenting us.
The Loving Parent
There is a loving Parent inside us as well as a negative Parent. We want to mobilize the loving Parent for our good. We can identify this loving Parent when we hear the soothing voice or the 'pat on the back' voice. It may seem hard to grasp this to begin with and if we struggle with this part of ourselves, we can actually 'borrow' someone else's loving Parent for a moment.
To do this, we do something for someone else and wait for their response. If we help a short person by reaching for an item off the top shelf, let a harassed parent go first in the queue, or help an older person along the road, we will get a positive response. Then we can feel what it's like to experience a warm glow in our stomach - the Child part of us.
With persistence we can start to separate the loving Parent away from the negative Parent and use the loving influence to put pressure on the nagging, critical voice that can dominate us.
For example, what we want to hear in response to, "I want to put everything down and go out to play" is something like, "We have work to do for the next two hours but after that we shall go out for a walk; we can fit it in before we have to make dinner." The Child in us wants fairness and support. We have to acknowledge that we need to have some nurturing time in order to feel whole and loved.
If you've been depressed for a long time, you may have lost the gist of what you need to feel un-depressed. Write out a list of five things you would like to do when time is free. Remember - the Child in us doesn't need money to have a good time. Like a child, we want and crave love and attention; that's what will get us feeling good - not the money substitute. And now we can give ourselves love and attention because we have the tools and the know-how.
The loving Parent will also manage the Child by setting limits, being fair and firm, listening and explaining, talking the Child through fear, and making decisions for the best. For those of us who find these parameters difficult to grasp, we can get help in order that we learn how to do this. We can watch people speaking to their children and learn from this. We can enroll on parenting courses. We can seek counseling.
Most profound, however, is to ask our own seat of wisdom -our Adult self. This is how the three parts of us work together. The depressed Child turns to the Parent for reassurance, guidance and love, and the Parent turns to the Adult for the correct information to assist the Child to grow up.
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The problem is that one doesn't trust the other. The Child doesn't trust the Parent to take care of him, and often with good reason. The Parent doesn't trust the Child not to behave in an appropriate manner. If we believed we were truly adult, we wouldn't feel depressed because the Adult's intellect, reason and logic would take care of our lives and teach us how to parent ourselves in order that the Child part of us can trust the Adult. Our Child needs a stable and reasoned Parent to trust.This is a central hub of reclaiming our life. So, we need to identify each part of us and help ourselves to function to our potential. How do we do this?
There are many ways we can approach this question. However, one concise method of separating the child from the parent is to look at how we talk negatively to ourselves.
To begin with, we identify how we negatively parent ourselves in a way that renders us crumpled and depressed. This would include things we say to ourselves:
• You're hopeless
• You can do nothing right
• Why don't you get off your backside and do something
• I hate you when you slump like this
• You should have got over this by now
• Why bother, nobody cares anyway
• You never get it right
Sometimes these phrases are so ingrained in us that we can't even hear them. Remember that nothing keeps us 'pressed down' and blocked like verbal abuse.
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Reclaiming Your Life, Refusing to Surrender to Depression
When we have held ourselves back, after a given amount of time, we naturally start to feel frustrated. This frustration is the catalyst to our next move. We surrender no more, but begin to experience the power that comes when we have shed enough pain and freed ourselves up to take better care of ourselves.
WRITE IT OUT
The next task goes one step further in reclaiming your life. It is primarily for those of us who don't understand why we are depressed, or else we know why we are depressed but don't understand why it affects us so badly.
Within every exchange that we have, we play a part - and we have a responsibility for the part we play. If we are depressed, the part we play can seem far removed from the reality, and we feel controlled or manipulated by others and other situations. In reclaiming our life, we have to ascertain our part, identify our responsibility, and become accountable.
When we are depressed we may interact with others in a 'neurotic' way. In many cases we will choose to play the Victim, Perpetrator or Martyr/Rescuer. These roles are tied up together so that we find we switch from one to another at a moment's notice. Sometimes we feel we have no power over this - it just happens and we can't understand why. These roles are explained as follows:
• As victims we feel as though we have no power and no choices. We are at the mercy of others and we cannot take our own decisions. We discount ourselves and prefer others to see us as having no influence. We feel ignored, we feel hopeless and we feel helpless. We also feel tremendous shame for having these feelings.
• As perpetrators we feel angry about being the victim and we believe that others have made us like this, so we turn on them. We are enraged at the way others treat us and, consequently, we don't want anyone near us. We make sure that no one gets in our way. We behave abusively by turning our self-abuse onto others. We can see that we frighten others and, even though we are remorseful, it doesn't stop us.
• As martyrs/rescuers we look at the 'victim' and feel it is our duty to rescue them, whether they want it or not! We do things for others or rescue them because we want something back - but we don't tell them what it is. Underneath our 'good deeds' we are waiting to get noticed and get our rewards. Let's face it, what would they do without us? It is our job to keep others together. If it wasn't for us they wouldn't survive. When we don't receive our reward we then turn back into the victim and feel helpless, hopeless and futile once more.
With depression, we lose the ability to be objective. We tend to gravitate to one or more of these roles. I have acted out all three in one day - many times! The cycle of depression keeps us stuck in these roles and we find it near impossible to step away from them. The more difficult we find it, the more likely it is that we were taught these roles as children. But even though these roles are comfortable and familiar, they hold us back from recovering from depression. We need to take a look at them.
These questions address these issues. You may not be able to answer them promptly. Don't concern yourself with a timescale but respond to them when you know the answers.
The path out of these neurotic ways of thinking is telling the truth. We have to begin by delving deep and asking ourselves, "What is our true motivation behind our behavior? What is it we want when we take on the mantle of the victim, persecutor or martyr?" We don't really want to feel helpless and hopeless and to be seen like this. Given the choice, we would prefer to feel liberated, blissful and excited about being alive.
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WRITE IT OUT
The next task goes one step further in reclaiming your life. It is primarily for those of us who don't understand why we are depressed, or else we know why we are depressed but don't understand why it affects us so badly.
Within every exchange that we have, we play a part - and we have a responsibility for the part we play. If we are depressed, the part we play can seem far removed from the reality, and we feel controlled or manipulated by others and other situations. In reclaiming our life, we have to ascertain our part, identify our responsibility, and become accountable.
When we are depressed we may interact with others in a 'neurotic' way. In many cases we will choose to play the Victim, Perpetrator or Martyr/Rescuer. These roles are tied up together so that we find we switch from one to another at a moment's notice. Sometimes we feel we have no power over this - it just happens and we can't understand why. These roles are explained as follows:
• As victims we feel as though we have no power and no choices. We are at the mercy of others and we cannot take our own decisions. We discount ourselves and prefer others to see us as having no influence. We feel ignored, we feel hopeless and we feel helpless. We also feel tremendous shame for having these feelings.
• As perpetrators we feel angry about being the victim and we believe that others have made us like this, so we turn on them. We are enraged at the way others treat us and, consequently, we don't want anyone near us. We make sure that no one gets in our way. We behave abusively by turning our self-abuse onto others. We can see that we frighten others and, even though we are remorseful, it doesn't stop us.
• As martyrs/rescuers we look at the 'victim' and feel it is our duty to rescue them, whether they want it or not! We do things for others or rescue them because we want something back - but we don't tell them what it is. Underneath our 'good deeds' we are waiting to get noticed and get our rewards. Let's face it, what would they do without us? It is our job to keep others together. If it wasn't for us they wouldn't survive. When we don't receive our reward we then turn back into the victim and feel helpless, hopeless and futile once more.
With depression, we lose the ability to be objective. We tend to gravitate to one or more of these roles. I have acted out all three in one day - many times! The cycle of depression keeps us stuck in these roles and we find it near impossible to step away from them. The more difficult we find it, the more likely it is that we were taught these roles as children. But even though these roles are comfortable and familiar, they hold us back from recovering from depression. We need to take a look at them.
These questions address these issues. You may not be able to answer them promptly. Don't concern yourself with a timescale but respond to them when you know the answers.
The path out of these neurotic ways of thinking is telling the truth. We have to begin by delving deep and asking ourselves, "What is our true motivation behind our behavior? What is it we want when we take on the mantle of the victim, persecutor or martyr?" We don't really want to feel helpless and hopeless and to be seen like this. Given the choice, we would prefer to feel liberated, blissful and excited about being alive.
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Depression Recovery Tip: Write About Your Surrender to Depression
As you surrender to your depression, write down what it is you are surrendering. Make a list of three things that you are giving up on in order to surrender to your depression. For example:
• I'm giving up on trying to make myself feel better.
• I'm giving up on trying to get him/her to love me.
• I'm giving up on trying to change my parents.
Once you have identified three things that you are giving up on, write them out on a piece of paper (or use a code) and stick them in front of your nose so that you remember to give them up. Add this entreaty to your day by asking this of your Higher Power:
Grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
Recite this as you look at your three things that you are giving up on today.
WRITE A JOURNAL ENTRY
Take 15 minutes to write down your thoughts and feelings. Just let them flow, but head towards the centre of your depression. Write down the deepest pain that you feel today.
WALK OUT TO THE WORLD
Imagine yourself as an island. Imagine everyone else as an island too. We all live together in a large sea. We are separate, but we affect each other. The water between us is affected by what we do and how we react. We need things from other islands in order to survive. But we don't necessarily need it from our closest island - there are many islands we can choose from. We can build bridges to other islands. We don't need to build a bridge to the islands we can see. We can make our bridges stretch out as far as we want to reach an island that has what we need. There are many islands that will delight in our arrival on their beach. We have many choices.
When we are depressed, we often choose to cut ourselves off because we feel ashamed of our depressed feelings. We become isolated, frightened and lonely. When someone passes our island, we smile and wave and pretend we're OK, but under our breath we mutter, 'Bugger off.' And, as soon as they are gone, we stop smiling and hope they don't come back. We have tricked them; they have gone and we have won.
But we haven't won and we feel worse. Our island needs supplies to flourish and ours is looking dry and undernourished. It is dying in the middle but it's only now that it's beginning to show as the leaves start to turn brown and the trees droop with thirst. We need to build a bridge to others for supplies but we're too angry, too sad and too stubborn.
Intimacy is the way that the inner, isolated part of us comes out and feels part of our magnificent world. It is the way that we can feel an integral part of life. It is one way to help us beat depression. Intimacy is the inner part of us connecting with the outer world. When we talk of intimacy, we don't mean a sexual intimacy; we mean intimacy as a way of feeling that we have reached shared ground with another person in a way that is unique to us both. It is the common denominator of two people who have taken a decision to get the conditions right to be honest to the core with each other.
We start building a bridge with a brick. When we are ready, we put down another brick. Start by taking one risk today - just one. Tell someone with whom you want to build a bridge that you feel depressed. Check out your closest friends first. Don't push yourself when it doesn't feel safe, and leave if it feels abusive, but otherwise hang on in there when you just feel like running. It is scary but there is always a back door.
If you have no one to talk to, consider organizing a counselor.
A counselor is a fast-track route to getting the conditions right for reclaiming our life. Essentially we are paying for someone to:
• acknowledge how we feel
• reflect back how they see it
• help us to work out the solution
For some of us, entering into counseling is akin to paying for the parenting we never received. This is why it is imperative we find someone who won't abuse us further.
Whether we talk to people we know or seek a professional to help us, we start to establish the first bridge to another island and this will open doors that we never knew were possible. Things are never as bad as we think they are when we are depressed. This will be confirmed to us when we ask someone else to look at it from his or her perspective.
So, just for today, we find one person to talk to. It can be as simple as responding honestly to someone when they ask, 'How are you?' Instead of saying, 'Fine/ we can say, 'You know, I feel really low today. 'We can gauge the response and continue or stop accordingly. We can be prepared to protect ourselves if necessary. Or we can need nothing else but simply to voice to one other person how we are. It may be enough, just for today.
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• I'm giving up on trying to make myself feel better.
• I'm giving up on trying to get him/her to love me.
• I'm giving up on trying to change my parents.
Once you have identified three things that you are giving up on, write them out on a piece of paper (or use a code) and stick them in front of your nose so that you remember to give them up. Add this entreaty to your day by asking this of your Higher Power:
Grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
Recite this as you look at your three things that you are giving up on today.
WRITE A JOURNAL ENTRY
Take 15 minutes to write down your thoughts and feelings. Just let them flow, but head towards the centre of your depression. Write down the deepest pain that you feel today.
WALK OUT TO THE WORLD
Imagine yourself as an island. Imagine everyone else as an island too. We all live together in a large sea. We are separate, but we affect each other. The water between us is affected by what we do and how we react. We need things from other islands in order to survive. But we don't necessarily need it from our closest island - there are many islands we can choose from. We can build bridges to other islands. We don't need to build a bridge to the islands we can see. We can make our bridges stretch out as far as we want to reach an island that has what we need. There are many islands that will delight in our arrival on their beach. We have many choices.
When we are depressed, we often choose to cut ourselves off because we feel ashamed of our depressed feelings. We become isolated, frightened and lonely. When someone passes our island, we smile and wave and pretend we're OK, but under our breath we mutter, 'Bugger off.' And, as soon as they are gone, we stop smiling and hope they don't come back. We have tricked them; they have gone and we have won.
But we haven't won and we feel worse. Our island needs supplies to flourish and ours is looking dry and undernourished. It is dying in the middle but it's only now that it's beginning to show as the leaves start to turn brown and the trees droop with thirst. We need to build a bridge to others for supplies but we're too angry, too sad and too stubborn.
Intimacy is the way that the inner, isolated part of us comes out and feels part of our magnificent world. It is the way that we can feel an integral part of life. It is one way to help us beat depression. Intimacy is the inner part of us connecting with the outer world. When we talk of intimacy, we don't mean a sexual intimacy; we mean intimacy as a way of feeling that we have reached shared ground with another person in a way that is unique to us both. It is the common denominator of two people who have taken a decision to get the conditions right to be honest to the core with each other.
We start building a bridge with a brick. When we are ready, we put down another brick. Start by taking one risk today - just one. Tell someone with whom you want to build a bridge that you feel depressed. Check out your closest friends first. Don't push yourself when it doesn't feel safe, and leave if it feels abusive, but otherwise hang on in there when you just feel like running. It is scary but there is always a back door.
If you have no one to talk to, consider organizing a counselor.
A counselor is a fast-track route to getting the conditions right for reclaiming our life. Essentially we are paying for someone to:
Likely Page Break
• listen to us• acknowledge how we feel
• reflect back how they see it
• help us to work out the solution
For some of us, entering into counseling is akin to paying for the parenting we never received. This is why it is imperative we find someone who won't abuse us further.
Whether we talk to people we know or seek a professional to help us, we start to establish the first bridge to another island and this will open doors that we never knew were possible. Things are never as bad as we think they are when we are depressed. This will be confirmed to us when we ask someone else to look at it from his or her perspective.
So, just for today, we find one person to talk to. It can be as simple as responding honestly to someone when they ask, 'How are you?' Instead of saying, 'Fine/ we can say, 'You know, I feel really low today. 'We can gauge the response and continue or stop accordingly. We can be prepared to protect ourselves if necessary. Or we can need nothing else but simply to voice to one other person how we are. It may be enough, just for today.
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Suicidal Thoughts: What do Depressed, Suicide-Prone People Think?
Some of us are frightened that if we surrender, we may not survive. These words are for you.
In our most depressed states of being, we can experience thoughts of suicide. We may feel ravaged by the world and think that the only way out is to stop living. Surrendering to our depression in this state may seem like a foolish thing to do. But running from these thoughts may harm us more because it is the running that wears us down. We become too foggy-headed to make clear judgments.
Thoughts of suicide can hit us for two main reasons: either the pain is too much for us to bear or we are so enraged with other people that we want to punish them. In either case we have given up trying to protect ourselves because we have failed in the past. We feel backed into a corner and there seems no other alternative. All reason has gone and we are at a loss to see any other option but to take our life and end the suffering.
It is at this point that we don't want anyone else to try to talk us out of the way we feel. When we have suicidal thoughts, people may say things like this:
• 'Oh, come on, it's not that bad'
• 'Don't be silly, you don't really want to do that'
• 'Pull yourself together, you're talking like an idiot'
When we hear those kinds of comments we want to show them exactly what we mean. It can fuel the desire to commit suicide even more and become very, very unhelpful.
If you have thoughts of suicide, surrender to the feelings that lay behind the thoughts. A technique to help you do this is to look down to the floor. This will help you to 'feel' whereas looking upward helps you to 'think'.
Behind your thoughts lies the utmost pain that any human has to bear. You might feel the intensity of human degradation, the devastating pain of loss or the wretchedness of a lifetime's neglect. You might feel your spirit has dried up and your essence has been ripped away. You might feel like a 'nothing' or a 'very bad person'. You might sense that everything you touch, you damage. You will probably be living in a dark tunnel. You might hate every part of you as much as you hate others. You might feel a desire to injure others as you have been injured. You might want to destroy others as you have been destroyed. You might simply be lost.
Whatever the passion is, then just for today stay with the feelings and ignore the thoughts or the action.
Just for today hold yourself around the tummy as you recognize the emotions behind the thinking.
In this moment acknowledge that you feel so bad that you want to end your life. Don't do anything else except surrender into it. Tomorrow you can take action, but just for today, surrender. Hold your hands up and give in to the feelings. Say out loud, 'I surrender'.
At the lowest point of his depression, Michael felt as though he couldn't continue because the pain of life was too hard to bear. He took an opportunity to speak to someone he trusted, Scott, and this is the essence of what he said:
'Michael, I understand that the pain is so great that you want to take your life. I can see and hear that you are considering this option. I recognize that you see this is the only option for you.
Some of us can reach inside ourselves and some of us need others to help us reach inside. Only you will know what your need is. People I have spoken to have stated that they felt so suicidal that they abdicated responsibility for themselves in order that they would become 'medically sectioned'. This is more common than we realize and is a route that some people take if they feel unable to move beyond this point.
Some of us don't come through it. Sadie couldn't surrender to her depression and, after a long period of isolation, she committed suicide at home having organized her friend to come around that afternoon and find her in the bath rather than one of her two children. She left devastation behind her. That was Sadie's intention and it was fulfilled.
This is the reality of depression. A few of us don't survive. But most of us do. However, we want more than simply to survive. We want fulfillment and fun, love and excitement, fairness and simplicity. This is our right and this is what we are striving to achieve. We can survive thoughts of suicide and come through them. Thoughts of suicide do not mean we will commit suicide; it means we are asking ourselves to stop and listen. It is the thought that we are at the end of the trail, and it is time to listen to ourselves and ask others to listen to us.
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In our most depressed states of being, we can experience thoughts of suicide. We may feel ravaged by the world and think that the only way out is to stop living. Surrendering to our depression in this state may seem like a foolish thing to do. But running from these thoughts may harm us more because it is the running that wears us down. We become too foggy-headed to make clear judgments.
Thoughts of suicide can hit us for two main reasons: either the pain is too much for us to bear or we are so enraged with other people that we want to punish them. In either case we have given up trying to protect ourselves because we have failed in the past. We feel backed into a corner and there seems no other alternative. All reason has gone and we are at a loss to see any other option but to take our life and end the suffering.
It is at this point that we don't want anyone else to try to talk us out of the way we feel. When we have suicidal thoughts, people may say things like this:
• 'Oh, come on, it's not that bad'
• 'Don't be silly, you don't really want to do that'
• 'Pull yourself together, you're talking like an idiot'
When we hear those kinds of comments we want to show them exactly what we mean. It can fuel the desire to commit suicide even more and become very, very unhelpful.
If you have thoughts of suicide, surrender to the feelings that lay behind the thoughts. A technique to help you do this is to look down to the floor. This will help you to 'feel' whereas looking upward helps you to 'think'.
Behind your thoughts lies the utmost pain that any human has to bear. You might feel the intensity of human degradation, the devastating pain of loss or the wretchedness of a lifetime's neglect. You might feel your spirit has dried up and your essence has been ripped away. You might feel like a 'nothing' or a 'very bad person'. You might sense that everything you touch, you damage. You will probably be living in a dark tunnel. You might hate every part of you as much as you hate others. You might feel a desire to injure others as you have been injured. You might want to destroy others as you have been destroyed. You might simply be lost.
Whatever the passion is, then just for today stay with the feelings and ignore the thoughts or the action.
Just for today hold yourself around the tummy as you recognize the emotions behind the thinking.
In this moment acknowledge that you feel so bad that you want to end your life. Don't do anything else except surrender into it. Tomorrow you can take action, but just for today, surrender. Hold your hands up and give in to the feelings. Say out loud, 'I surrender'.
At the lowest point of his depression, Michael felt as though he couldn't continue because the pain of life was too hard to bear. He took an opportunity to speak to someone he trusted, Scott, and this is the essence of what he said:
'Michael, I understand that the pain is so great that you want to take your life. I can see and hear that you are considering this option. I recognize that you see this is the only option for you.
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'If you die, I will come to your funeral. I will grieve for the man for whom I had so much compassion and respect. I will be devastated but I will also respect that this was your choice and your right. I will tell your daughter what a wonderful father you were and how you always tried your utmost. I will speak in your honor and I will talk of our friendship without betraying you. I will keep your trust and honor your memory. You will be greatly missed.' This was what Michael needed. It was the fact that another human being was able to see and recognize that he was in so much pain that he was considering leaving his life and his child because he could hardly tolerate it any more. Scott didn't try to talk him out of it but accepted his thoughts of suicide. This was Michael's 'leveling out' - he had hit the bottom. He was then able to tell himself that, yes, it was that bad. From that moment, he was able to surrender to the emotions and allow the pain to rush through him like a rocket. This is the essence of surrendering. It is about paying tribute to ourselves. It is about saying, 'I have had enough; I can't tolerate any more.'Some of us can reach inside ourselves and some of us need others to help us reach inside. Only you will know what your need is. People I have spoken to have stated that they felt so suicidal that they abdicated responsibility for themselves in order that they would become 'medically sectioned'. This is more common than we realize and is a route that some people take if they feel unable to move beyond this point.
Some of us don't come through it. Sadie couldn't surrender to her depression and, after a long period of isolation, she committed suicide at home having organized her friend to come around that afternoon and find her in the bath rather than one of her two children. She left devastation behind her. That was Sadie's intention and it was fulfilled.
This is the reality of depression. A few of us don't survive. But most of us do. However, we want more than simply to survive. We want fulfillment and fun, love and excitement, fairness and simplicity. This is our right and this is what we are striving to achieve. We can survive thoughts of suicide and come through them. Thoughts of suicide do not mean we will commit suicide; it means we are asking ourselves to stop and listen. It is the thought that we are at the end of the trail, and it is time to listen to ourselves and ask others to listen to us.
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Delicious 3day Menu Plan for Depression Sufferers
If you are suffering from depression, then your appetite will most likely drop like a stone in water. It is vitally important that you keep a healthy diet when this happens. Here is a 3-day menu plan to follow:
BREAKFAST
It is said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It lines the stomach and gives us the energy we need until lunchtime. Our preferences for breakfast differ, so below are four suggestions to choose from:
1. Whole porridge bats simmered with soya/rice/goat's milk or water. Mix in some sultanas, prunes or nuts. If required, sweeten to taste with maple syrup or honey.
2. Sugar-free muesli. There are some superb mueslis available in supermarkets that are sugar-free and have a minimum wheat content but are high in nuts and natural fruit. Eat them with dairy-free milk.
3. Fresh smoothie. If you haven't already got one, invest in a hand-held blender (the best gadget invented for the kitchen) and make up some gorgeous smoothies for breakfast. You can find packets of 'summer fruit' in the freezer compartments of supermarkets. A handful of these fruits are convenient and quick for smoothies and they also chill the drink. Some recipes are as follows:
MANGO & SUMMER FRUIT: Place 1 chopped mango and a handful of 'summer fruit', topped with juice or non-dairy milk, into a blender and mix together until smooth.
BANANA & PRUNES: Place 1 banana and half a tin of prunes in unsweetened juice into your blender. Add fruit juice or non-dairy milk and then blend until smooth.
4. Fresh fruit salad. Make up a fresh fruit salad to last 3 days. It's so easy to dive into a plate of fruit first thing in the morning if it is already made up.
FRESH FRUIT SALAD: Chop up 1 mango, 2 kiwi fruit and 2 apples. Add a handful of seedless grapes, a tin of pineapple chunks in unsweetened juice. A tin of prunes in unsweetened juice and a handful of strawberries.
LUNCH
The most delicious and warming lunch is a bowl of home-made soup or stew. This can be made in advance and then frozen in portions, taken to work in a flask or dipped into when hungry. The great thing about making a large pot of soup or stew is that it is available to us when we can't be bothered to cook for ourselves, particularly when we feel low and depressed. Make up two pots of soup and stew every week and freeze some of it into portions so you will have a variety to choose from.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
BREAKFAST
It is said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It lines the stomach and gives us the energy we need until lunchtime. Our preferences for breakfast differ, so below are four suggestions to choose from:
1. Whole porridge bats simmered with soya/rice/goat's milk or water. Mix in some sultanas, prunes or nuts. If required, sweeten to taste with maple syrup or honey.
2. Sugar-free muesli. There are some superb mueslis available in supermarkets that are sugar-free and have a minimum wheat content but are high in nuts and natural fruit. Eat them with dairy-free milk.
3. Fresh smoothie. If you haven't already got one, invest in a hand-held blender (the best gadget invented for the kitchen) and make up some gorgeous smoothies for breakfast. You can find packets of 'summer fruit' in the freezer compartments of supermarkets. A handful of these fruits are convenient and quick for smoothies and they also chill the drink. Some recipes are as follows:
MANGO & SUMMER FRUIT: Place 1 chopped mango and a handful of 'summer fruit', topped with juice or non-dairy milk, into a blender and mix together until smooth.
BANANA & PRUNES: Place 1 banana and half a tin of prunes in unsweetened juice into your blender. Add fruit juice or non-dairy milk and then blend until smooth.
4. Fresh fruit salad. Make up a fresh fruit salad to last 3 days. It's so easy to dive into a plate of fruit first thing in the morning if it is already made up.
FRESH FRUIT SALAD: Chop up 1 mango, 2 kiwi fruit and 2 apples. Add a handful of seedless grapes, a tin of pineapple chunks in unsweetened juice. A tin of prunes in unsweetened juice and a handful of strawberries.
LUNCH
The most delicious and warming lunch is a bowl of home-made soup or stew. This can be made in advance and then frozen in portions, taken to work in a flask or dipped into when hungry. The great thing about making a large pot of soup or stew is that it is available to us when we can't be bothered to cook for ourselves, particularly when we feel low and depressed. Make up two pots of soup and stew every week and freeze some of it into portions so you will have a variety to choose from.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Tuesday 9 December 2008
How to Plan Your Meals and Snacks when Suffering from Depression
It's all very well hearing the facts, but when we are depressed, we couldn't care less about our weight and eating! But at the same time, we do want to minimize our self-abuse. My personal experience has also been that when I overload my digestive system with junk food, I feel bloated, sluggish and more depressed. And when I eat a good diet, I feel lighter, more energetic and cleansed. But we are bombarded with so many 'good eating' plans that it is hard to get serious about one. This is well documented within the slimming industry, which is continually being criticized for perpetuating the yoyo effect among slimmer - the 'losing weight, gaining weight' syndrome. We become fatigued by the facts that are thrown at us, and each new one becomes a little less eye-catching. The easiest way to organize our diet is to concentrate on health.
REMEMBER: FIVE PORTIONS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES a day.
If we simply adhere to this rule, we find ourselves feeling better-not only because of what we are putting in our mouths but also for what we leave out in order to fit in the fruit and vegetables.
WHAT TO DO FIRST
The first thing to do is not to dread change. Any change that takes place can be as slow as we want and as gentle as we want. In order to get our diet to be effective, we need to plan ahead. This is the key because, when we don't plan, we have nothing to eat and we dive for the junk and end up feeling worse. Plan your menu for 3 days at a time.
SNACKS
We all need something to munch on when we feel down. But it's easy to reach for things that will make us feel worse rather than better, like chocolate, sweet biscuits, cakes, cheese, etc. Because these foods can have the effect of medicating our feelings, we trick ourselves into thinking we will feel better but we don't, we feel worse. Here are some good alternatives for snacks:
• Fresh fruit
• Fresh vegetables (e.g. peeled carrots, radishes)
• Rice biscuits
• Oat biscuits
• Raisins or sultanas
• Plain nuts
• Packets of unroasted, mixed fruit and nuts
• Toasted sunflower seeds
• Dried apricots, prunes, pineapple etc.
Put these snacks in lovely jars in the cupboard. They will seem appealing and yummy to look at, which will put us off diving for the cooking chocolate in a bad moment.
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REMEMBER: FIVE PORTIONS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES a day.
If we simply adhere to this rule, we find ourselves feeling better-not only because of what we are putting in our mouths but also for what we leave out in order to fit in the fruit and vegetables.
WHAT TO DO FIRST
The first thing to do is not to dread change. Any change that takes place can be as slow as we want and as gentle as we want. In order to get our diet to be effective, we need to plan ahead. This is the key because, when we don't plan, we have nothing to eat and we dive for the junk and end up feeling worse. Plan your menu for 3 days at a time.
SNACKS
We all need something to munch on when we feel down. But it's easy to reach for things that will make us feel worse rather than better, like chocolate, sweet biscuits, cakes, cheese, etc. Because these foods can have the effect of medicating our feelings, we trick ourselves into thinking we will feel better but we don't, we feel worse. Here are some good alternatives for snacks:
• Fresh fruit
• Fresh vegetables (e.g. peeled carrots, radishes)
• Rice biscuits
• Oat biscuits
• Raisins or sultanas
• Plain nuts
• Packets of unroasted, mixed fruit and nuts
• Toasted sunflower seeds
• Dried apricots, prunes, pineapple etc.
Put these snacks in lovely jars in the cupboard. They will seem appealing and yummy to look at, which will put us off diving for the cooking chocolate in a bad moment.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Rules for Eating When Depressed
Three Meals a Day and Nothing in Between
Many of us have found that sticking to this general rule has helped us get a grip on our eating habits. If we start by getting our meals in place, we will find that much of the chaos that follows those of us who neglect our eating habits will calm down. When I started applying this rule, I felt as though I was doing something wrong by eating three whole meals a day. But, having got a handle on that, I discovered that I felt good when I ate regularly and I felt even better when I incorporated 5 portions of fruit and vegetables a day.
The plan starts with breakfast. In today's world, the pressure to be very slim is bringing us more stress than ever, and skipping breakfast seems like a good way to cut calories. But skipping breakfast is also a way of neglecting ourselves. By 11:30 we feel lousy and need a stimulant to pick us up, and so the cycle begins. No one escapes this because our bodies all work in the same way. You won't be immune to mid-morning hunger just because you are fashion-conscious.
For some of us, eating breakfast seems naughty or indulgent. We are used to ignoring what we need and it can take a long time to allow ourselves to eat well. But getting a good breakfast down us is one way to get the whole day's eating plan in place. If we mobilize ourselves to do this along with planning for three days ahead, we will see some remarkable changes in the way we feel. After a while of good and consistent eating we start to see some of the following happen:
We generally feel more balanced.
• We feel less depressed
• We have more energy
• We crave less junk food
• We sleep better
• We feel less stressed and anxious
• Panic attacks decrease
• We recognize the benefits of good eating which motivates us to continue
• We feel much cleaner inside and this has a profound effect on our emotional state
• We gradually feel our bodies change for the better
Dealing with cravings
When we are depressed, we crave things to medicate our feelings. In our darkest hour some of us can only reach for the chocolate, fat or sugar. But we can begin to plan a menu when our head is above water and we have just enough energy to see to the next three days.
The 'three meals a day with nothing in between' rule (including 5 portions of fruit and vegetables) will provide us with fewer cravings. What we then do is halve the amount of junk food we ate yesterday. In doing this we will feel even better on day two and we can halve again the amount of junk food we had the day before. Even if we maintain this for only three days, we will have the experience of feeling healthier and more vibrant. We can carry on the three-day plan in our own time and by our own choice.
This method of eating is easily incorporated into our day once we get started, and doesn't tie us down to a rigid arrangement that we can't adhere to, where we may find ourselves tripping up at the first hurdle.
In time we will come to relish the 'cleanness' we feel inside and we will see weighty fats and large amounts of sugar as unpalatable. We will have more energy and we might need to find more activities to absorb this extra energy.
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Many of us have found that sticking to this general rule has helped us get a grip on our eating habits. If we start by getting our meals in place, we will find that much of the chaos that follows those of us who neglect our eating habits will calm down. When I started applying this rule, I felt as though I was doing something wrong by eating three whole meals a day. But, having got a handle on that, I discovered that I felt good when I ate regularly and I felt even better when I incorporated 5 portions of fruit and vegetables a day.
The plan starts with breakfast. In today's world, the pressure to be very slim is bringing us more stress than ever, and skipping breakfast seems like a good way to cut calories. But skipping breakfast is also a way of neglecting ourselves. By 11:30 we feel lousy and need a stimulant to pick us up, and so the cycle begins. No one escapes this because our bodies all work in the same way. You won't be immune to mid-morning hunger just because you are fashion-conscious.
For some of us, eating breakfast seems naughty or indulgent. We are used to ignoring what we need and it can take a long time to allow ourselves to eat well. But getting a good breakfast down us is one way to get the whole day's eating plan in place. If we mobilize ourselves to do this along with planning for three days ahead, we will see some remarkable changes in the way we feel. After a while of good and consistent eating we start to see some of the following happen:
We generally feel more balanced.
• We feel less depressed
• We have more energy
• We crave less junk food
• We sleep better
• We feel less stressed and anxious
• Panic attacks decrease
• We recognize the benefits of good eating which motivates us to continue
• We feel much cleaner inside and this has a profound effect on our emotional state
• We gradually feel our bodies change for the better
Dealing with cravings
When we are depressed, we crave things to medicate our feelings. In our darkest hour some of us can only reach for the chocolate, fat or sugar. But we can begin to plan a menu when our head is above water and we have just enough energy to see to the next three days.
The 'three meals a day with nothing in between' rule (including 5 portions of fruit and vegetables) will provide us with fewer cravings. What we then do is halve the amount of junk food we ate yesterday. In doing this we will feel even better on day two and we can halve again the amount of junk food we had the day before. Even if we maintain this for only three days, we will have the experience of feeling healthier and more vibrant. We can carry on the three-day plan in our own time and by our own choice.
This method of eating is easily incorporated into our day once we get started, and doesn't tie us down to a rigid arrangement that we can't adhere to, where we may find ourselves tripping up at the first hurdle.
In time we will come to relish the 'cleanness' we feel inside and we will see weighty fats and large amounts of sugar as unpalatable. We will have more energy and we might need to find more activities to absorb this extra energy.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
How Long Should We Cry when We Have Depression
Cry for as long as it takes. Some people need a couple of days to cry; others may take longer. This depends on the length of the depression that we have suffered.
However, we never cry as much as we think we will cry. It is surprising how little of that deep, searing pain from which the tears of healing spring we need to feel in order to beat depression. Having asked many people the question, 'How long did you cry for?' I have put together some examples of how long others needed to cry to heal certain parts of their depression.
When we are stuck and we think we will never recover from a loss, it is often because we find it so hard to confront that searing pain. We find that when we do reach it, we stay there for only moments at a time. We feel so good afterwards that we may wish to stay there for longer in order that we cleanse ourselves totally. We have to be patient and pace ourselves. As long as we surrender and lessen our methods of medicating our feelings, our natural development will take care of this powerful healing process.
What if I can't cry?
If you cannot reach your tears, do not fret; your psyche is not ready. If you want to reach your tears and you can't, your anger will be covering them up. Anger and pain are like the ends of a seesaw. When one lies low, the other swings high, but they both live in us, and they directly affect each other. For the moment, concentrate on expressing your anger and frustration; the pain will come. There are ways to encourage this process.
Firstly, find a photograph of yourself when you felt vulnerable and study it. Cast your mind back to when the photograph was taken and remember how you felt. Feelings don't leave us and our mind can always recall those times. Give it to someone else with whom you feel safe and ask them to describe how they see you in that photograph. There is nothing like gentle reflection from someone whose comments we appreciate to offer a picture of ourselves that we can't always see.
Secondly, write about something you have lost and read it aloud to someone who matters. If you haven't got access to anyone, then record your story on a tape and play it back. As you listen, feel the emotions in the bottom of your stomach. Practice these two techniques and this will help you to release deep pain.
If we think about our lives, we spend most of our waking hours trying to do everything we can to avoid facing our emotions. From the moment we get up to the moment we drift off to sleep we are on the move - doing, doing, doing. That's without actually medicating our feelings with work, shopping, sugar, alcohol etc. It is more likely that we aren't in touch with our feelings than that we are able to access them at will. So, don't fret if you feel numb for sometime. Your feelings will surface as you slow down, surrender and write it out.
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However, we never cry as much as we think we will cry. It is surprising how little of that deep, searing pain from which the tears of healing spring we need to feel in order to beat depression. Having asked many people the question, 'How long did you cry for?' I have put together some examples of how long others needed to cry to heal certain parts of their depression.
When we are stuck and we think we will never recover from a loss, it is often because we find it so hard to confront that searing pain. We find that when we do reach it, we stay there for only moments at a time. We feel so good afterwards that we may wish to stay there for longer in order that we cleanse ourselves totally. We have to be patient and pace ourselves. As long as we surrender and lessen our methods of medicating our feelings, our natural development will take care of this powerful healing process.
What if I can't cry?
If you cannot reach your tears, do not fret; your psyche is not ready. If you want to reach your tears and you can't, your anger will be covering them up. Anger and pain are like the ends of a seesaw. When one lies low, the other swings high, but they both live in us, and they directly affect each other. For the moment, concentrate on expressing your anger and frustration; the pain will come. There are ways to encourage this process.
Firstly, find a photograph of yourself when you felt vulnerable and study it. Cast your mind back to when the photograph was taken and remember how you felt. Feelings don't leave us and our mind can always recall those times. Give it to someone else with whom you feel safe and ask them to describe how they see you in that photograph. There is nothing like gentle reflection from someone whose comments we appreciate to offer a picture of ourselves that we can't always see.
Secondly, write about something you have lost and read it aloud to someone who matters. If you haven't got access to anyone, then record your story on a tape and play it back. As you listen, feel the emotions in the bottom of your stomach. Practice these two techniques and this will help you to release deep pain.
If we think about our lives, we spend most of our waking hours trying to do everything we can to avoid facing our emotions. From the moment we get up to the moment we drift off to sleep we are on the move - doing, doing, doing. That's without actually medicating our feelings with work, shopping, sugar, alcohol etc. It is more likely that we aren't in touch with our feelings than that we are able to access them at will. So, don't fret if you feel numb for sometime. Your feelings will surface as you slow down, surrender and write it out.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
How to Not Feel like a Victim when Suffering from Depression
When we are depressed, we feel that we are victims of many things: society, another's control, authority, our parents' behavior, personal finances, our workplace, etc. This is because we have felt powerless - a debilitating state of mind that can paralyze us, and from which we feel we have no refuge. We can't even see why this is happening to us and we beg for help, we pray for mercy, or we look to others to help us get out of the mire. When we feel we have no choices, it can feel as though we are sinking into a bog from which we can't escape.
We have to acknowledge that we were once victims but, as we gain strength and self-responsibility, we are victims no more. If we suffer from feeling like a victim, this was probably due to a legacy from our childhood. Those of us who were raised without feeling a sense of autonomy will often carry this feeling into adulthood, and it will seep into our everyday life.
It will manifest itself as a feeling of dependence on others to survive. Becoming aware of our 'victim' status is the first step towards changing it.
We are not alone in this thinking. Our society is entrenched in the 'victim' culture. We are steeped in the idea that other people have a much bigger influence over us than is actually correct. We hear it in conversations, songs, fiction, the media, etc. We hear people constantly living out the victim culture: 'I can't live without you', 'She made me do it', 'You're holding me back', 'My life is incomplete without you', 'He makes me feel terrible about myself, etc.
As a nation, we live in a huge fantasy that constantly plays itself out, and we have been suckered into it. There comes a time when we have to purge ourselves of this propaganda to help us beat depression.
Some myths to be demolished:
• Someone else is responsible for the way we feel. It is not possible for another person to get inside us and change the way we feel. We put ourselves in situations that have an effect on us. It is our responsibility. Someone will say something to three people and the effect that it has on those three people will differ. What effect another person's words have on us is down to our own thinking, beliefs etc. No one can put you down without your permission.
• We can expect 'unconditional love' from another adult. Actually, we can't. Unconditional love from one adult to another is unrealistic. Many relationships with others are based on one party demanding this from another. This may easily lead to us feeling very depressed because we can end up feeling unworthy if we have based our ideals on someone else loving us 'no matter what'. Every adult relationship has a contract, whether written or unwritten. For instance, many couples would not tolerate one partner having an affair. Whether this is written down or not, it is understood. If we enter into a relationship expecting 'unconditional love', we are entering into it with a child's outlook. We cannot contemplate a fulfilling adult relationship until we have finished our childhood. If we try to build a relationship before we have finished our childhood, we are setting ourselves up to take up the victim status.
• Others have control over us. Other people have control over us only when we let them. This is usually because we want something back from them. Again, the only exception to this is if someone is breaking the law by using violence or holding us against our will.
• We have control over others. It is arrogant of us to believe we have so much power that we can control others. Indeed, if someone is allowing us to control them, it's time to look at why they would do that. What are they receiving in return, and do we want a relation-ship that includes us being in control of another?
• I can't live without him/her. Yes you can. If this is your thinking, it is time to see what is so frightening about being independent and why you are hiding behind someone else for comfort.
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We have to acknowledge that we were once victims but, as we gain strength and self-responsibility, we are victims no more. If we suffer from feeling like a victim, this was probably due to a legacy from our childhood. Those of us who were raised without feeling a sense of autonomy will often carry this feeling into adulthood, and it will seep into our everyday life.
It will manifest itself as a feeling of dependence on others to survive. Becoming aware of our 'victim' status is the first step towards changing it.
We are not alone in this thinking. Our society is entrenched in the 'victim' culture. We are steeped in the idea that other people have a much bigger influence over us than is actually correct. We hear it in conversations, songs, fiction, the media, etc. We hear people constantly living out the victim culture: 'I can't live without you', 'She made me do it', 'You're holding me back', 'My life is incomplete without you', 'He makes me feel terrible about myself, etc.
As a nation, we live in a huge fantasy that constantly plays itself out, and we have been suckered into it. There comes a time when we have to purge ourselves of this propaganda to help us beat depression.
Some myths to be demolished:
• Someone else is responsible for the way we feel. It is not possible for another person to get inside us and change the way we feel. We put ourselves in situations that have an effect on us. It is our responsibility. Someone will say something to three people and the effect that it has on those three people will differ. What effect another person's words have on us is down to our own thinking, beliefs etc. No one can put you down without your permission.
• We can expect 'unconditional love' from another adult. Actually, we can't. Unconditional love from one adult to another is unrealistic. Many relationships with others are based on one party demanding this from another. This may easily lead to us feeling very depressed because we can end up feeling unworthy if we have based our ideals on someone else loving us 'no matter what'. Every adult relationship has a contract, whether written or unwritten. For instance, many couples would not tolerate one partner having an affair. Whether this is written down or not, it is understood. If we enter into a relationship expecting 'unconditional love', we are entering into it with a child's outlook. We cannot contemplate a fulfilling adult relationship until we have finished our childhood. If we try to build a relationship before we have finished our childhood, we are setting ourselves up to take up the victim status.
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• She/he made me do it. Our victim culture pushes us to believe that others have power over us and can make us do things we don't want to, stay in relationships we don't want to be in, and so on. Of course, this is totally false. No one can make us do something we don't wish to do. The exception is when the other person is breaking the law by blackmailing us or holding a gun to our head - an extremely unlikely scenario. But when we hear our-selves saying, 'They made me do it,' we have to ask ourselves: was there a gun at my head at the time? In fact, no one has that much power over us unless we simply give it away.• Others have control over us. Other people have control over us only when we let them. This is usually because we want something back from them. Again, the only exception to this is if someone is breaking the law by using violence or holding us against our will.
• We have control over others. It is arrogant of us to believe we have so much power that we can control others. Indeed, if someone is allowing us to control them, it's time to look at why they would do that. What are they receiving in return, and do we want a relation-ship that includes us being in control of another?
• I can't live without him/her. Yes you can. If this is your thinking, it is time to see what is so frightening about being independent and why you are hiding behind someone else for comfort.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Fight Depression by Taking the Day Off
However deep or light our depression is, a day off is good for all of us. Even if we think that this applies to everyone else but us, take a day off anyway. Beating our depression can simply be about putting ourselves first. Some of us can turn the corner by this one, simple objective and a day off can help us achieve this.
What are we taking a day off from?
We need to take one day off from our duties. This means we need to go out and play. It doesn't mean we take a day off work and then clean the house or do the odd jobs that we are desperate to get finished. It means we do something that used to fill us with joy and we haven't done in a long time. We must be self-indulgent and do one big thing for ourselves. Here are some examples:
• Go to a park
• Take a long, warm bath with candles and scents
• Have a massage
• Go on an early morning hot-air balloon flight
• Go on a picnic
• Visit the seaside
• Walk in the country
• Paint a picture
• Book a ride on horseback
• Write to your heart's content
• Sleep all day
• Climb a large oak tree
• Take a dog for a long walk
We find it very hard to do these sorts of things when we are depressed. We think we don't deserve it, we haven't worked hard enough, or we simply don't have the energy - in which case we can simply lie down for the day.
When you learn to fly a plane, you have to become skilled at managing the controls: the rudder, the elevator, the throttle and so on. It can become quite a tricky business making sure all the controls run as they are meant to. If these controls are not operated in symmetry, the plane and the pilot can enter a flat spin from which only a very experienced pilot can climb out. Once the plane is in that lethal situation, it takes real skill to recover from it.
A Cessna, however, is a common plane in which to learn to fly. If you get into difficulty, or a spin, and you don't know how to recover from it, you simply let go of the controls. This gives the plane the opportunity to sort itself out because it is designed to be dynamically stable. When learning to pilot a Cessna, the instructor will get you into a muddle and then ask you to let go of all the controls. Naturally, it is easy to feel a sense of fear as you do this, but then a sense of calm takes over as the plane adjusts to being free of unnecessary interference.
This is how we surrender - we let go of control. We are running from our painful feelings and sending ourselves into a flat spin. Just let go and allow your spirit to re-balance itself.
Deep inside us, no matter how hidden, we have a stable spirit.
But it won't - it will simply keep us on the run. Once you hold your hands up in surrender, you may feel overwhelmed by the strength of anguish that follows. Do not despair; this is a backlog of sensations that have been building up.
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What are we taking a day off from?
We need to take one day off from our duties. This means we need to go out and play. It doesn't mean we take a day off work and then clean the house or do the odd jobs that we are desperate to get finished. It means we do something that used to fill us with joy and we haven't done in a long time. We must be self-indulgent and do one big thing for ourselves. Here are some examples:
• Go to a park
• Take a long, warm bath with candles and scents
• Have a massage
• Go on an early morning hot-air balloon flight
• Go on a picnic
• Visit the seaside
• Walk in the country
• Paint a picture
• Book a ride on horseback
• Write to your heart's content
• Sleep all day
• Climb a large oak tree
• Take a dog for a long walk
We find it very hard to do these sorts of things when we are depressed. We think we don't deserve it, we haven't worked hard enough, or we simply don't have the energy - in which case we can simply lie down for the day.
When you learn to fly a plane, you have to become skilled at managing the controls: the rudder, the elevator, the throttle and so on. It can become quite a tricky business making sure all the controls run as they are meant to. If these controls are not operated in symmetry, the plane and the pilot can enter a flat spin from which only a very experienced pilot can climb out. Once the plane is in that lethal situation, it takes real skill to recover from it.
A Cessna, however, is a common plane in which to learn to fly. If you get into difficulty, or a spin, and you don't know how to recover from it, you simply let go of the controls. This gives the plane the opportunity to sort itself out because it is designed to be dynamically stable. When learning to pilot a Cessna, the instructor will get you into a muddle and then ask you to let go of all the controls. Naturally, it is easy to feel a sense of fear as you do this, but then a sense of calm takes over as the plane adjusts to being free of unnecessary interference.
This is how we surrender - we let go of control. We are running from our painful feelings and sending ourselves into a flat spin. Just let go and allow your spirit to re-balance itself.
Deep inside us, no matter how hidden, we have a stable spirit.
But it won't - it will simply keep us on the run. Once you hold your hands up in surrender, you may feel overwhelmed by the strength of anguish that follows. Do not despair; this is a backlog of sensations that have been building up.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
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