Depression: Reclaim Power, Stop Being a Victim

The following exercises will start to help you unravel some of the mysteries that come with living in the Victim Culture.

TAKING ON RESPONSIBILITY

How do we readjust the power balance?

This exercise will help you identify how and why we hand power over and how you can start to reclaim it.

1. In your journal, write down the main person you have in your mind while reading this section. > Write down 3 examples of what you do when you are with them that you would rather you didn't do.

2. Write down why you act like this.

3. How does it affect you when you compromise yourself?? What is the feeling of loss? What feelings or issues are you sidestepping?

4. What do your feelings remind you of?

5. If you turned away from that person with these feelings intact, what would you do to resolve your dilemma?

6. And what practical action could you take?

A very common reason why someone is depressed is that they hold on to a relationship that is not right for them because they are very frightened of being single. We can feel so 'close' to another that the thought of being without them can send us into a panic. The ongoing compromising we do to maintain a relationship can be at a great cost to ourselves. Indeed, the greater our fear of being alone, the greater our need to compromise ourselves, and the more power we give to another.

If we give our power away to another person in a close relationship, the chances are we also still hold our parents in an authoritative place. If we view our parents as adults and as equals, we are less likely to 'cling' to another to avoid being on our own. For this reason, it may be wise to address our relationship with our parents before we move out of our partner's pad and fall apart without him/her.

The fastest way of addressing our issues with other people is to identify what it is we are frightened of confronting, e.g. getting a job, being on our own, meeting new people, and look at how we are using another person to shield us from our fears.

WE NEED TO ASK OURSELVES THESE QUESTIONS:

• What is it about this person that I imagine they are 'doing something' to me?

• What do I do to compromise myself in their company?

• What is it I am so afraid of that I am willing to compromise what I really want to do/think/see/feel by hiding behind them?

If we can ask ourselves these questions and start writing a piece in our journal every day, we will find the end of the ball of wool and begin to unravel a mystery that can lead to new insights - and these insights will help us to reclaim our life. This exercise will act like a hot knife through butter. The more we work on it, the more we will balance our relationships, because we will naturally compromise ourselves less. Remember, this is learned behavior. No one is born with a goal to feel like a victim or suffer depression. This route to identifying what keeps us feeling "stuck" in a relationship is a good starting point.

In your journal, write down a list of people to whom you give your power. Work out how you will readjust the power balance. You can be assured that there is no quick fix and that this is a lifelong exercise. But the awareness you gather from undertaking these first steps is a lifelong tool and will help you with every area of your life. You will be on your way to beating your depression.



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