Grief Reaction

Tyler: Tyler's parents had divorced when he was a toddler, and his mother remarried when he was ten. Now fourteen, Tyler had never gotten along with his stepfather, and his older sisters tended to pick on him. He always looked forward to Sundays, though. On Sundays, he visited his grandfather, Bill. Grandpa Bill knew more about baseball than anyone Tyler had ever met, and could describe key moments of every World Series going back to the '40s. Tyler shared his passion. Sometimes, they'd get to watch a game together. Other times, they just went through Grandpa's baseball cards, autographed balls, and other memorabilia and the stories they brought to mind. Grandpa Bill was determined to live alone, even though his health was failing.

One day, Tyler's mother looked very serious. Gently, she tried to break the shocking news to him: his grandfather had had a stroke. He wasn't expected to recover. Three days later, he passed away and Tyler was inconsolable. He had nothing to look forward to anymore. He pined in his room for days. Eventually, his mother suggested he write a tribute to his grandfather for the local newspaper. He was proud to do it. With more encouragement, he began to volunteer to pass out programs when his town's team played a home game. He had never been a great player, but his knowledge of the game soon made him a fixture behind the bench. He set a goal of becoming a sportscaster one day.

Like Nadine, Tyler had to adjust to a major life change. Loss of a key person in a is life can be devastating, especially if unexpected. For Tyler, his grandfather's was doubly important because of the more strained relationships he had with ?r family members. It was not going to be possible to replace his grandfather, as it ly is when the lost person is significant. Instead, he had to find a way to honor his memory, maintain an important aspect of the relationship in his life (in this case, the love of baseball), and go on. Fortunately, his mother was sensitive to these issues and helped him grieve appropriately

As adults, we should never assume that a loss is insignificant to a teen. Appar­ently distant friends or relatives, even pets, can be missed terribly. Even a famous person the teen admires (for example, a famous musician or actor) can be mourned, especially if that person symbolizes an important aspect of the teen's emerging iden­tity. Don't be shy about asking how your teen's life is different, now that the person is gone. The answer may surprise you. If a grief reaction is prolonged or accompanied by symptoms suggestive of more serious depression, counseling should be sought.



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