Tuesday, 9 December 2008

How Crying Helps with Recovering Depression

As we begin to surrender to our depression and write about it, the denial - which we have needed to protect ourselves -may start to come loose. The denial has been keeping us safe by protecting us from our painful feelings. Added to this, the running we have done to keep ourselves away from our pain is lessening as we surrender to the depression. As a result of surrendering and writing about our depression, buried memories and feelings will surface. This may seem alien to us; we are not used to staring our feelings full in the face and we may get scared.


Crying lessens pain


Pain that is stuck keeps us depressed, but crying helps shift this stuck pain. The strength comes in releasing our pain. But because we are used to burying pain rather than letting it out, it has clogged us up. The more we release our pain, the more we are released from depression. The greater we cry, the greater the release. This release will filter through to us within 24 hours of a cry. This is the art of good stress management.

What do we cry about?

When we are depressed, we can easily feel that we don't have what we really want, that others have what we want and that life's not fair to us. We may not have our own house, children, good health, a partner, money to spend, the right job, etc. If we yearn and pine for what we haven't got, we set ourselves up to fail our own expectations. We become angry with ourselves and others for not getting what we want. In turn, the anger will settle in us and render us depressed.

The fastest route out of this cycle is to cry for what we don't have. Behind that grating resentment is pain. Behind every seemingly impossible situation when our backs are against the world, we have lost something. When faced with these losses -over which we have no control - we can either stay angry, confused and helpless or acknowledge our loss (or perceived loss) and let out the tears.

When we let out the tears, we can make the most of that moment by thinking hard about everything that we have lost that has felt so precious to us. Surrender to all the clinging-on hopes that it 'might change one day' and let the sadness of the fact that you don't have what you want wash through you. Experience the dawning that you may never have it and feel the slump in your spirit that you may have been living a fantasy to think that it was ever coming your way. Don't judge yourself.

It is easier, but more damaging, not to face this pain, and our society dismisses the idea of shedding tears as a way of growing up. This is why so many of us are depressed and down at heel in spite of everything we have.

The pain that feels most familiar to those of us who have suffered from a long depression is the pain of never really having the childhood we yearned for. It is the pain of feeling utterly alone and abandoned. It's the misery of experiencing life's deep disappointment. As a little child, we hoped and prayed that things would change and get better, but they may not have. It is the pain of isolation that we felt at being completely let down. This pain is the deepest we will ever feel and sits closer to our soul than any other. But if we allow ourselves to feel it, it is also the fastest route to recovery from depression.

How do we know when we have reached that pain?

We know when we have reached the pain from which we are running because it feels like there is nowhere else to go. We know that we have reached it because it is as deep in our bodies as possible.



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