Recover Denial Versus Medication

Many people deny they are depressed. It's not that they deliberately lie to anyone; it's that they have to lie to them­selves to keep going. Denial may seem from the outside like an ignorant state in which to live, but it is a very practical way of keeping a problem at bay. Denial is a form of survival. People who are denying their own depression need to be left alone until they are ready to come out of hiding on their own terms.

Many addictions are created to assist the individual to deny his/her problems. Although this may seem self-destructive, it has to be recognised that the addiction is, conversely, a form of survival. It is about surviving the depression by burying the painful feelings that go with being chronically depressed. For many people, the pain of addiction is not as great as the pain of depression.

RECOVERY VERSUS MEDICATION

The two options open to someone who is depressed are to face the depression head on and move into recovery or to 'medicate' the feelings to avoid the anguish that accompanies depression. Either way is gruelling. We either move forward or we move backward. We do not stay static. For the purpose of this article, we use the term 'medication' to describe anything that is used to avoid feelings. Medicating feelings can include excesses of the following: drugs, alcohol, nicotine, shopping, gambling, working, sex, eating, not eating, exercising, helping others, being perfect, judging others.

Facing the depression with a view to conquering it can be the hardest option. Medicating feelings is a way of not allow­ing ourselves to become overwhelmed with grief and pain. But we can face serious problems when the behaviour that serves to medicate depression becomes troublesome in its own right. If the drugs used to medicate depression force us to lose our job, or damage our family, relationships, friends etc., then we have another problem to address. It is at this point that either our denial lifts or we medicate further. I repeat: there is no static point ~ it moves forward or it moves backward.

We stop denying our problems when we feel strong enough to start dealing with them. When the denial lifts it can be very painful, but the human mind will not lift its own denial if it is not strong enough to cope with what it is trying to deny. The deeper the depression, the stronger the denial.

One thing we do not need is self-reproach for not having faced up to our problems sooner. The quicker we recognise that our denial has done us a great service, the better we will feel about moving forward. There is no point in pushing us when we are in denial. Denial is all-powerful and if there is a power-struggle taking place between our denial and someone who wants us to change, our denial will win. It is the 'mother of all saviours' and will prevent us from cracking up for as long as we need it.

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When we medicate our emotions, we medicate everything. We cannot, unfortunately, just medicate our negative feelings and leave ourselves with a supply of good feelings. In medicating our depression we also medicate the ability to feel happy, joyful, excited and alive. It's all or nothing. I firmly believe that medicat­ing anything medicates everything. This is where our denial will help. It will assist us to slow down the medication of our feelings, as and when we are ready. If someone badgers us to stop smok­ing, we can explain the options: 'I'll smoke thirty cigarettes a day or I'll drink a bottle of vodka a day and smoke twenty cigarettes a day. You choose!' This is the reality of confronting depression. We cannot put everything down in one go. It is a journey and, when we feel better about ourselves, we will harm ourselves less.

For the purpose of this article, I am going to assume that you are ready to start on that journey and face some of your prob­lems. This often happens when all else has been tried and has failed. There is no need to address the denial, as this will have begun to lift. Remember: denying your depression and the pain that goes with it will lift and return. Recovery from depression is like peeling layers of an onion. We peel one layer, then, when we are ready, we will go on to the next. The denial will help us pace ourselves until we are ready to deal with the next layer.



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