Saturday 6 December 2008

How to Fulfill Your Children's Rights in Childhood

Trust Them

Children know what they need and they will make their needs clear. We have to trust them. If they need exercise, they will badger us to go out. If they need food they will ask until they get some. If they are tired they will let us know. If we ignore their needs, we get badly behaved children. We must also trust them in terms of their own limits. They know they don't want to go down the big slide yet; they don't want to be pushed into the pool even though they've got armbands and a rubber ring on. Respect their limits and trust they know what's best for them. If we don't, we are pushing them for our own require­ments not theirs.

It Is Not Personal

It is the job of a child to push whenever they can. This is how they learn - through experimentation. There is no other way to learn what is acceptable and what isn't. They have to accidentally spill the milk to discover that it is better to keep the cup away from the edge of the table. Hdweyer, when we are depressed, we can see the spilt milk as a personal threat and respond accordingly. As teenagers, they may express their embarrassment at being seen with us and we could take this as a personal affront, especially if we are also an embarrassment to ourselves.

But it is not personal. Whoever their parents turned out to be, they would go through the same motions. It is their way of pushing the limits and it is our job to teach them how far they can go. We must be aware: how we approach our children is the way we approach ourselves.

Good Discipline

Children like to be disciplined. They like to know where the edge is. It makes them feel safe because they can stretch to that point. They can see the boundary of the field and they are not scared of running to the edge and looking out. Children who do not receive good discipline are frightened. They don't understand how far they can go and they become anxious that they will get punished for something when they didn't know the limit. This creates fear and a lack of confidence. The limits need to be spelled out, written down, discussed and shown over and over again until they are bored of hearing it. This will create a haven of fairness, trust, safety and reliability that will allow them to grow into confident children. Many towns now have parenting groups, which can be very helpful.

CHILDREN'S BILL OF RIGHTS

This is a list of basic human needs that I believe every child has aright to:

• To be fed (with nourishing food) and watered

• To be safe, warm, sheltered and secure

• To be touched, held and caressed

• To be loved unconditionally

• To be respected as a unique human being, regardless of behaviour

• To make mistakes

• To ask for what they need

• To say they don't understand

• To change their minds

• To decline responsibility for another's problems

• To express their feelings



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