When you begin to look for help, you must spend some time getting the conditions right. This can be very difficult. Finding the right therapist can be a bit of a lucky dip. You are going to be bearing your soul to this person, and you need to know you can trust them. Obviously, client confidentiality is the bottom line, but there are other factors to consider. It can be a mistake to go for the first person you hear about. Finding the right therapist is like anything else of great importance - you need to shop around.
I know to my cost that rushing into a therapy situation without taking a view on the person, their working practices and the environment in which they work can be detrimental to the recovery process. I have opened up to people who needed more help than me! As an example, I went to one therapist who, in hindsight, actually had severe depression himself and would tell me about it during my session - an absolute no-no, as therapists should not be talking about themselves in your time! Together we wound ourselves into a web of inappropriate behavior that resulted in him coming around for dinner and me counseling him on his day off. At the time I thought I was cool. In retrospect I lost all self-respect. And the bizarre thing about it was I was paying him $100 per hour!
Below are some sources of help placed into three categories:
1 Therapy
2 Unfacilitated groups
3 Facilitated groups
These three areas are to help you get started and to give you ideas of what to expect. They are not the absolute gospel, simply an idea of what's out there. Take a risk on at least one area, but the ideal scenario is to get help from an individual and from a group. The one-to-one feedback will encourage you to stop running away from your pain and will give you information on how you see yourself. The group will help you to see how others see you and also help you to feel less isolated - you will suddenly realize that there are others out there who know how you feel.
Taking a risk and making the first call is part of getting better. This is because we are doing something to help ourselves and going forward. It takes more strength to take that first step forward than to step backward by medicating the pain. This is our ultimate choice and we may swing from one to the other. We may go for help and seem to make good progress, then we decide we've had enough and go on a 'bender' for six weeks. This is common: nobody is perfect. We cannot recover overnight, it takes time and sometimes we can get fed up of waiting for change. However, any help goes towards a 'credit' in the recovery bank balance.
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Tuesday, 2 December 2008
How to Find Someone to Help
The fastest route to beating depression is to get help from those who understand your feelings. Talking to others who have been through similar experiences to you will help you feel less isolated. Much depression is created by the negative effect that others have had on us; likewise, people who have a positive effect can accelerate recovery from depression.
We have a distorted perception of ourselves when we are depressed. We feel that something is wrong with us, that we are different from everyone else, that we are not normal and that we are alone. These things can be tackled with good reflection from other people. When I went to see a therapist, I said over and over again that I thought something was wrong with me. I said this for weeks and each time she would reply, 'There's nothing wrong with you except your distorted thinking about yourself.' Although it took a long time for this to sink in, I came to believe her because she kept saying it. She never budged. Whether or not I could have got through depression without this information is a question I will never be able to answer. However, I ate it up like a hungry infant and allowed it to nourish me, even though I didn't believe it for a long time.
This is the kind of help we need: accurate information that we can grasp and assimilate. There are thousands of places to go for help, but I have simplified them into four categories, listed below. If you take up two of the suggestions, a network will appear and you will discover other resources available to you.
The stumbling block people often-put in front of themselves is 'it's not for me'. If this is your voice then here is the benchmark: If you can get good information about yourself from your close circle then you need look no further. However, if talking to your friends doesn't work, get help. We live in a culture of the 'stiff upper lip' and you may not want to venture out to meet strangers and pour out your problems to them. When I first started talking to people about how depressed I was, I felt really angry about the fact that I was even there. I hated talking to others about myself and dismissed most of what I heard for a couple of years. This is not unusual. Many of us have to be crawling on our knees before we ask for help. It is the nature of depression, because we feel so much shame for needing help. If it hurts enough, we will either medicate our feelings or find someone to help us.
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We have a distorted perception of ourselves when we are depressed. We feel that something is wrong with us, that we are different from everyone else, that we are not normal and that we are alone. These things can be tackled with good reflection from other people. When I went to see a therapist, I said over and over again that I thought something was wrong with me. I said this for weeks and each time she would reply, 'There's nothing wrong with you except your distorted thinking about yourself.' Although it took a long time for this to sink in, I came to believe her because she kept saying it. She never budged. Whether or not I could have got through depression without this information is a question I will never be able to answer. However, I ate it up like a hungry infant and allowed it to nourish me, even though I didn't believe it for a long time.
This is the kind of help we need: accurate information that we can grasp and assimilate. There are thousands of places to go for help, but I have simplified them into four categories, listed below. If you take up two of the suggestions, a network will appear and you will discover other resources available to you.
The stumbling block people often-put in front of themselves is 'it's not for me'. If this is your voice then here is the benchmark: If you can get good information about yourself from your close circle then you need look no further. However, if talking to your friends doesn't work, get help. We live in a culture of the 'stiff upper lip' and you may not want to venture out to meet strangers and pour out your problems to them. When I first started talking to people about how depressed I was, I felt really angry about the fact that I was even there. I hated talking to others about myself and dismissed most of what I heard for a couple of years. This is not unusual. Many of us have to be crawling on our knees before we ask for help. It is the nature of depression, because we feel so much shame for needing help. If it hurts enough, we will either medicate our feelings or find someone to help us.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
How Can Acupuncture Help Reduce Depression
DRUGS AND ALCOHOL
There is nothing about cigarettes, alcohol or class A or B drugs that are going to add to our wellbeing. We all know that but we still take them. This is normal when we are depressed because we don't have much self-value.
Weigh it up and work out which one to give up or cut down on to give yourself a better chance of recovery. Overcoming an addiction can pull some people into recovery from depression. They have to clean up their medicating techniques enough so they can get nearer to tackling the source of the pain. But it's a 'chicken and egg' situation. The withdrawal from the drug can expose the depression - which-may be why the drug was used in the first place - and if that is too painful then the user may return to the addiction.
However, there is a fantastic recovery rate for these problems with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. Also, if someone offers you the chance to go into a residential treatment centre, take the opportunity, because you will get all the support you need. There are some great centres both in the UK and in the US that offer the facilities you need to deal with drugs and alcohol.
ACUPUNCTURE
If there is one alternative treatment to be recommended, it is acupuncture. Acupuncture involves the insertion of fine needles that carry out specific actions. This can stimulate the immune system, which will increase the body's ability to heal itself. When we are depressed we often feel unwell in certain areas of our body. We have aches and pains and feel physically down. These are often symptoms of depression, and acupuncture can help. Many GPs now offer acupuncture for patients with specific ailments, and it is becoming more readily available on the NHS. If you are looking privately, go to the British Acupuncture Council and get some good recommendations for practitioners in your area.
When you go for acupuncture, tell the practitioner that you are depressed and you want treatment for that as well as for your specific ailments. This will assist the practitioner in planning the best treatment for you. As far as cost goes, an acupuncture session starts at about $30. One session a month is good enough and it is really worth it. If you are depressed, you are probably spending money on something you can do without, e.g. cigarettes, chocolate, alcohol or drugs. One session of acupuncture can do more to change the way you feel than all your medications put together. For me, acupuncture significantly contributed to removing the grey, heavy concrete slab that had sat on my chest for 15 years. I am now free of it. That's the power of acupuncture.
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There is nothing about cigarettes, alcohol or class A or B drugs that are going to add to our wellbeing. We all know that but we still take them. This is normal when we are depressed because we don't have much self-value.
Weigh it up and work out which one to give up or cut down on to give yourself a better chance of recovery. Overcoming an addiction can pull some people into recovery from depression. They have to clean up their medicating techniques enough so they can get nearer to tackling the source of the pain. But it's a 'chicken and egg' situation. The withdrawal from the drug can expose the depression - which-may be why the drug was used in the first place - and if that is too painful then the user may return to the addiction.
However, there is a fantastic recovery rate for these problems with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. Also, if someone offers you the chance to go into a residential treatment centre, take the opportunity, because you will get all the support you need. There are some great centres both in the UK and in the US that offer the facilities you need to deal with drugs and alcohol.
ACUPUNCTURE
If there is one alternative treatment to be recommended, it is acupuncture. Acupuncture involves the insertion of fine needles that carry out specific actions. This can stimulate the immune system, which will increase the body's ability to heal itself. When we are depressed we often feel unwell in certain areas of our body. We have aches and pains and feel physically down. These are often symptoms of depression, and acupuncture can help. Many GPs now offer acupuncture for patients with specific ailments, and it is becoming more readily available on the NHS. If you are looking privately, go to the British Acupuncture Council and get some good recommendations for practitioners in your area.
When you go for acupuncture, tell the practitioner that you are depressed and you want treatment for that as well as for your specific ailments. This will assist the practitioner in planning the best treatment for you. As far as cost goes, an acupuncture session starts at about $30. One session a month is good enough and it is really worth it. If you are depressed, you are probably spending money on something you can do without, e.g. cigarettes, chocolate, alcohol or drugs. One session of acupuncture can do more to change the way you feel than all your medications put together. For me, acupuncture significantly contributed to removing the grey, heavy concrete slab that had sat on my chest for 15 years. I am now free of it. That's the power of acupuncture.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
How Can Diet Help?
Food affects our mood. That's the bottom line! We all know that when we are depressed we often resort to comfort eating. It is really important to look at this issue when our heads are above water just enough for us to get a little perspective on the way we eat. There is plenty of medical advice available on what to eat and what not to eat, and it is often conflicting. We are bombarded by the message that eating the wrong foods can lead to illness and bad health. The problem is that when we feel depressed, what's in our fridge is of little importance to us. For those of us that can munch through a packet of chocolate digestives in about fifteen minutes, we also know that if there's one thing worse than feeling depressed, it's feeling sick and depressed.
However, if you are trying to climb back up out of a spiral of depression, you have to pay attention to what you put into your mouth. Certain foods can exacerbate depression. For instance, overdoing it on cheese, crisps, ice cream, chocolate, white bread, cakes, biscuits, coffee, alcohol and smoking can make you feel dreadful for at least a couple of days. So you need to attend to your menu.
It's easy to get into a cycle when you are depressed. You don't care what you put in your mouth, so you feel worse, and then care even less. But sometimes just being aware of the link between feeling awful and your eating pattern can be enough to spur you into action. As long as you have that awareness, the seed will germinate and grow in time.
Planning ahead is the key. If you want to eat healthily, you should shop accordingly. And if you prepare healthy food earlier, it will become second nature to get out that food and eat it. Include goodies and treats, but make sure the basics are included. I generally find that by following these two rules I can keep my focus on good food:
1 Five portions of fruit and vegetables a day
2 Eat three meals a day and nothing in between
We feel much better about ourselves when we eat well. Eating junk is part of the self-perpetuating abuse that we pour on ourselves when we have little self-worth. It's easier to fall into the victim mentality when we don't look after ourselves and then blame everyone else for not looking after us. Changing our food is a tiny step towards beating depression.
MY ONE BIG FOOD TIP - SOUPS! AND HOME-MADE IS BEST.
A GREAT RECIPE WHICH IS SIMPLE AND QUICK IS:
Soften 1 onion and two sticks of celery in a pan with some olive oil. Add i tin tomatoes, i tablespoon tomato puree, 2 cloves garlic, i tin cannellini beans and a pint of stock. Simmer for 30 minutes then add herbs to taste (oregano is lovely). Add grated cheese to serve if you wish. This soup is nutritious and comforting and hits the spot every time.
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However, if you are trying to climb back up out of a spiral of depression, you have to pay attention to what you put into your mouth. Certain foods can exacerbate depression. For instance, overdoing it on cheese, crisps, ice cream, chocolate, white bread, cakes, biscuits, coffee, alcohol and smoking can make you feel dreadful for at least a couple of days. So you need to attend to your menu.
It's easy to get into a cycle when you are depressed. You don't care what you put in your mouth, so you feel worse, and then care even less. But sometimes just being aware of the link between feeling awful and your eating pattern can be enough to spur you into action. As long as you have that awareness, the seed will germinate and grow in time.
Planning ahead is the key. If you want to eat healthily, you should shop accordingly. And if you prepare healthy food earlier, it will become second nature to get out that food and eat it. Include goodies and treats, but make sure the basics are included. I generally find that by following these two rules I can keep my focus on good food:
1 Five portions of fruit and vegetables a day
2 Eat three meals a day and nothing in between
We feel much better about ourselves when we eat well. Eating junk is part of the self-perpetuating abuse that we pour on ourselves when we have little self-worth. It's easier to fall into the victim mentality when we don't look after ourselves and then blame everyone else for not looking after us. Changing our food is a tiny step towards beating depression.
MY ONE BIG FOOD TIP - SOUPS! AND HOME-MADE IS BEST.
A GREAT RECIPE WHICH IS SIMPLE AND QUICK IS:
Soften 1 onion and two sticks of celery in a pan with some olive oil. Add i tin tomatoes, i tablespoon tomato puree, 2 cloves garlic, i tin cannellini beans and a pint of stock. Simmer for 30 minutes then add herbs to taste (oregano is lovely). Add grated cheese to serve if you wish. This soup is nutritious and comforting and hits the spot every time.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Try To Talk To Someone
Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. It works when our depression renders us isolated from the world and we are able to tell someone about our isolation and depression and are supported. Talking to someone can act as a release valve for our feelings. We want to talk to someone who has some understanding of what it's like to be depressed. We need to be heard by someone who is not trying to get a word in edgeways, as this leaves us feeling more displaced than before. If we have someone to listen to us and not judge what we are saying, it gives us an emotional 'leg up'.
Talking to someone won't help if the other person is having a great life and doesn't know what it is like to feel depressed. Common responses from people I have opened up to while feeling downcast have included:
• Pull your socks up, you only have one life. Make the most of it.
• What have you got to be so miserable about?You have a roof over your head and a good job!
• Look at all you've got, don't you know how lucky you are? Look at all the starving children in the world!
• I know many people far worse off than you.
• Don't worry, it'll all turn out OK, you'll see.
Speak to someone who knows how you are feeling. This is when organised groups like 12-Step groups come into their own. By sharing your experiences - and hearing those of others - you can begin to come out of isolation. Find a way to feel safe in another's company by testing the water. Offer a little of yourself and your struggle, and see how you feel afterwards. The healing can begin when you feel accepted by another person. You don't need the whole world to accept you - just one person will do. This will help you to feel less 'mad'. We'll look at how to find this person in a later suggestion.
Be aware that you may feel uncomfortable when talking to others because this breaks our society's 'no talk' rule. Our culture advocates the 'no-talk' rule and praises the 'I'm fine' approach. This is because many of us are scared that someone may talk about their pain, which would be too uncomfortable or embarrassing for us. Many of us have grown up with the notion that having feelings is weak and pathetic. We have ignored them and, as a consequence, have become depressed. It is time to break the 'no talk' rule and start to verbalize how we feel. It's quite amazing how people respond to us when we open up. Indeed, the majority of people will say, 'I have felt like that too.'
It is important to be careful what you talk about and to whom you talk about it. For example, don't talk to a policeman about the crime you undertook in your darkest days. No matter how much you want it off your chest, he might not see it that way. Don't express your rage at the traffic warden who has just given you a ticket; you will feel worse about yourself in the end. It is also important to establish the difference between expressing your feelings and acting on your feelings. If you go to the doctor for help with depression, it is appropriate to talk about your feelings and your despair and pain to allow him to identify how he can help you. It isn't appropriate, however, to throw yourself onto him, bury your head in his lap and sob your heart out for a good half-hour. It can be difficult finding the right person to talk to. Remember, you are not alone; there are many people who are in a similar position.
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Talking to someone won't help if the other person is having a great life and doesn't know what it is like to feel depressed. Common responses from people I have opened up to while feeling downcast have included:
• Pull your socks up, you only have one life. Make the most of it.
• What have you got to be so miserable about?You have a roof over your head and a good job!
• Look at all you've got, don't you know how lucky you are? Look at all the starving children in the world!
• I know many people far worse off than you.
• Don't worry, it'll all turn out OK, you'll see.
Speak to someone who knows how you are feeling. This is when organised groups like 12-Step groups come into their own. By sharing your experiences - and hearing those of others - you can begin to come out of isolation. Find a way to feel safe in another's company by testing the water. Offer a little of yourself and your struggle, and see how you feel afterwards. The healing can begin when you feel accepted by another person. You don't need the whole world to accept you - just one person will do. This will help you to feel less 'mad'. We'll look at how to find this person in a later suggestion.
Be aware that you may feel uncomfortable when talking to others because this breaks our society's 'no talk' rule. Our culture advocates the 'no-talk' rule and praises the 'I'm fine' approach. This is because many of us are scared that someone may talk about their pain, which would be too uncomfortable or embarrassing for us. Many of us have grown up with the notion that having feelings is weak and pathetic. We have ignored them and, as a consequence, have become depressed. It is time to break the 'no talk' rule and start to verbalize how we feel. It's quite amazing how people respond to us when we open up. Indeed, the majority of people will say, 'I have felt like that too.'
It is important to be careful what you talk about and to whom you talk about it. For example, don't talk to a policeman about the crime you undertook in your darkest days. No matter how much you want it off your chest, he might not see it that way. Don't express your rage at the traffic warden who has just given you a ticket; you will feel worse about yourself in the end. It is also important to establish the difference between expressing your feelings and acting on your feelings. If you go to the doctor for help with depression, it is appropriate to talk about your feelings and your despair and pain to allow him to identify how he can help you. It isn't appropriate, however, to throw yourself onto him, bury your head in his lap and sob your heart out for a good half-hour. It can be difficult finding the right person to talk to. Remember, you are not alone; there are many people who are in a similar position.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
Use Your Anger and Pain to Fight Depression
Depression holds down stuck feelings. Either you feel that you don't want to face those feelings or can't face them. Why? Because you think it would be too painful, and if you start to cry or get angry, you will never stop - and you don't want to feel out of control. The feelings may be so painful that staying depressed is preferable.
However, you have a tremendous inner reserve. Your spirit will not allow you to lose control. You will only release the feelings that you can handle. If you begin to cry, you will stop when your essence has had enough. If you let out the rage, you will become exhausted before you lose control. You will only be given what you can handle. You will only receive what you can manage. Your mind will only expend what it deems safe to expend. You will only be given what you feel is safe to let out. This is the natural human evolution. You have to trust yourself and push forward, because the central pivot to beating depression is to release those feelings. One person I counseled told me, 'When I was going through the mill, I had great concerns that I was in fact going mad and that serious damage would be done to my brain. Crazy, I know. However, I was told and I learned that this simply would not happen, as exhaustion would set in well beforehand.'
To help yourself get hold of the sadness or rage, imagine the feeling as you see it. What color is it?Where does it sit in your body? What shape is it? I had always seen my sadness and rage as a solid grey concrete block that sat on the top of my chest. The effect it had on me was to drain me, pull me down, and leave me feeling listless, heavy and hopeless, because it seemed an impossible weight to carry. By seeing the feeling, you will start to see it as it is - a finite sensation that can be dealt with -not an unidentified object that you are unable to cope with. As you cry or rage, the enormity of the feelings will subside.
LETTING OUT THE ANGER
Anger that is not dealt with in childhood can develop into depression in adulthood. It can also develop into abuse of self and others, which leads to mayhem. I believe that behind every man and woman in jail for violent behaviour lies a part of them that is in deep pain. Childhood abuse creates abusive adults. Unexpressed anger can be very dangerous - to both ourselves and others - as the anger that is suppressed comes out as rage. We have to move on from our childhood rage in order to develop into competent and happy adults, but this is not easy.
Many of us deny that we are angry but, if we are depressed, then we have hidden our anger. We are not encouraged to express this emotion - especially as children - and we are not taught how to release it. But every one of us is angry about something, and unchecked anger can lead us into situations we would choose not to be in if we thought about them rationally. If we are angry and do not deal with that anger, it will land on the top of the angry heap inside us. It doesn't go away; it just accumulates.
HERE IS A CHECKLIST FOR HIDDEN ANGER:
• Chronic pain in the neck or jaw
• Sarcasm
• Ironic humor
• Boredom, apathy, disinterest
• Nightmares
• Smiling when you don't want to
• Controlling your voice
• Grinding your teeth at night
• Becoming irritated at irrelevant things
• Body tics or spasmodic movements that you are unaware of
• Stomach ulcers
• Constant cheerfulness and 'grin and bear it' attitude
• Refusing eye contact
• Clenching a thumb in a fist
• Over-politeness
• Not sleeping or sleeping too much
• Frustration at everything around you
If you don't recognize any of these signals in yourself, ask people close to you if they recognize any of them. Ask them how they can tell when you are upset about something. Just hear their response without sinking into a pit of shame. Take it as good information. It is normal to deny that we are angry because it's the way our society is. When someone is angry, others often look at them and say, 'Ooh, what's wrong with her?' It isn't generally accepted that releasing anger is a path to freedom. But it is. So you must find yours. At this point you have to take it in blind faith that if you are depressed you will have repressed anger.
Taken an hour aside for yourself and sit somewhere quiet in to write about what angers you. Make a list things - you will begin to see a common theme. Whatever your common theme is, allow yourself to indulge in the fury that accompanies your list. My lists usually encircle one main problem in my life. The ten things on your list will guide you towards your object of vehemence. Forget yourself as the nice, polite grown-up and see yourself as a screaming unreasonable toddler who has had enough.
If you need to take action to dispel the anger, thump the pillow, run it out, throw rocks in the sea, or scream your head off. Do something that dissipates the energy you feel. Let it all out and contain the fear that you will go out of control - you won't. Don't be afraid of your anger because it is very powerful. Use it for your good. Move it into determination, resolve and purpose. Make it work for you to bring about change.
After you have done this you will feel more in control. You will feel a sense of calm and you may feel the pain that is buried beneath the anger. If you don't, then stick with identifying what angers you, because you are not sated yet. Don't worry - the pain will surface when you have made the room inside you.
Some of us possess a rage that is so fierce we are scared to touch it. If you recognise this in yourself, it would be advisable to find a professional practitioner to assist you in releasing the rage in a way that will not be harmful to you or anyone else. If you are aware that this rage sits inside you, you are halfway to taking care of yourself, as awareness takes up half of the recovery from depression.
LETTING OUT THE PAIN
Anger is usually the front end of pain. The angrier we feel, the more pain we hold. We need to let out some of the anger in order to reach the pain. Once some anger has been shifted, the pain will follow. When I have felt anger in an extreme way, it is usually associated with a sense of unfairness or hopelessness, a feeling of futility, 'how dare they', and other such emotions.
Less common is when we feel tears instead of the anger. Many people have described crying when they have felt angry, as it seemed the only way to let the anger out. These are 'hard' tears that can be turned into assertion.
Allow yourself the gift of expressing your sadness. It won't go away by ignoring it; it will always stay with you until you express it. Indulge in the pain that lies behind the anger. Hold yourself tight as you let the tears out. Let go of the past. The more you let out, the more you will heal. Letting the tears out will free you from being stuck in the past. Imagine tears as the currency of healing - the more you let out, the more you will heal. Tears do not signify weakness; they signify trapped pain. Allow yourself to mourn what you have lost. Letting out your pain will lead to a state of forgiveness of yourself and others. The more pain you release, the less frightening the-feelings will become, and this will allow you to stop running from your fears.
Your sadness may dispel in hours but, for some of us who have suffered from chronic depression, it may be a long progression. What you will be delighted to discover is that it is the road home. Releasing the pain will only bring you closer to your birthright of happiness and contentment.
Don't worry if you don't reach the anger or pain immediately. Remember the attributes of denial and you will understand that your psyche will take you as far as you will go, only opening up the next layer when you are ready.
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However, you have a tremendous inner reserve. Your spirit will not allow you to lose control. You will only release the feelings that you can handle. If you begin to cry, you will stop when your essence has had enough. If you let out the rage, you will become exhausted before you lose control. You will only be given what you can handle. You will only receive what you can manage. Your mind will only expend what it deems safe to expend. You will only be given what you feel is safe to let out. This is the natural human evolution. You have to trust yourself and push forward, because the central pivot to beating depression is to release those feelings. One person I counseled told me, 'When I was going through the mill, I had great concerns that I was in fact going mad and that serious damage would be done to my brain. Crazy, I know. However, I was told and I learned that this simply would not happen, as exhaustion would set in well beforehand.'
To help yourself get hold of the sadness or rage, imagine the feeling as you see it. What color is it?Where does it sit in your body? What shape is it? I had always seen my sadness and rage as a solid grey concrete block that sat on the top of my chest. The effect it had on me was to drain me, pull me down, and leave me feeling listless, heavy and hopeless, because it seemed an impossible weight to carry. By seeing the feeling, you will start to see it as it is - a finite sensation that can be dealt with -not an unidentified object that you are unable to cope with. As you cry or rage, the enormity of the feelings will subside.
LETTING OUT THE ANGER
Anger that is not dealt with in childhood can develop into depression in adulthood. It can also develop into abuse of self and others, which leads to mayhem. I believe that behind every man and woman in jail for violent behaviour lies a part of them that is in deep pain. Childhood abuse creates abusive adults. Unexpressed anger can be very dangerous - to both ourselves and others - as the anger that is suppressed comes out as rage. We have to move on from our childhood rage in order to develop into competent and happy adults, but this is not easy.
Many of us deny that we are angry but, if we are depressed, then we have hidden our anger. We are not encouraged to express this emotion - especially as children - and we are not taught how to release it. But every one of us is angry about something, and unchecked anger can lead us into situations we would choose not to be in if we thought about them rationally. If we are angry and do not deal with that anger, it will land on the top of the angry heap inside us. It doesn't go away; it just accumulates.
HERE IS A CHECKLIST FOR HIDDEN ANGER:
• Chronic pain in the neck or jaw
• Sarcasm
• Ironic humor
• Boredom, apathy, disinterest
• Nightmares
• Smiling when you don't want to
• Controlling your voice
• Grinding your teeth at night
• Becoming irritated at irrelevant things
• Body tics or spasmodic movements that you are unaware of
• Stomach ulcers
• Constant cheerfulness and 'grin and bear it' attitude
• Refusing eye contact
• Clenching a thumb in a fist
• Over-politeness
• Not sleeping or sleeping too much
• Frustration at everything around you
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• A feeling of one's life not being good enoughIf you don't recognize any of these signals in yourself, ask people close to you if they recognize any of them. Ask them how they can tell when you are upset about something. Just hear their response without sinking into a pit of shame. Take it as good information. It is normal to deny that we are angry because it's the way our society is. When someone is angry, others often look at them and say, 'Ooh, what's wrong with her?' It isn't generally accepted that releasing anger is a path to freedom. But it is. So you must find yours. At this point you have to take it in blind faith that if you are depressed you will have repressed anger.
Taken an hour aside for yourself and sit somewhere quiet in to write about what angers you. Make a list things - you will begin to see a common theme. Whatever your common theme is, allow yourself to indulge in the fury that accompanies your list. My lists usually encircle one main problem in my life. The ten things on your list will guide you towards your object of vehemence. Forget yourself as the nice, polite grown-up and see yourself as a screaming unreasonable toddler who has had enough.
If you need to take action to dispel the anger, thump the pillow, run it out, throw rocks in the sea, or scream your head off. Do something that dissipates the energy you feel. Let it all out and contain the fear that you will go out of control - you won't. Don't be afraid of your anger because it is very powerful. Use it for your good. Move it into determination, resolve and purpose. Make it work for you to bring about change.
After you have done this you will feel more in control. You will feel a sense of calm and you may feel the pain that is buried beneath the anger. If you don't, then stick with identifying what angers you, because you are not sated yet. Don't worry - the pain will surface when you have made the room inside you.
Some of us possess a rage that is so fierce we are scared to touch it. If you recognise this in yourself, it would be advisable to find a professional practitioner to assist you in releasing the rage in a way that will not be harmful to you or anyone else. If you are aware that this rage sits inside you, you are halfway to taking care of yourself, as awareness takes up half of the recovery from depression.
LETTING OUT THE PAIN
Anger is usually the front end of pain. The angrier we feel, the more pain we hold. We need to let out some of the anger in order to reach the pain. Once some anger has been shifted, the pain will follow. When I have felt anger in an extreme way, it is usually associated with a sense of unfairness or hopelessness, a feeling of futility, 'how dare they', and other such emotions.
Less common is when we feel tears instead of the anger. Many people have described crying when they have felt angry, as it seemed the only way to let the anger out. These are 'hard' tears that can be turned into assertion.
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Again, find yourself some time and a safe place. Begin to write about what you have lost or what you have that is unwanted. Be specific and honest. Don't worry about what others might think because no one will read your words. Suspend self-judgement for the moment; it is not required. Instead of seeing yourself as a mature adult, visualise yourself as a child and write as a child would write. To further this, you may want to write with a pen held in the hand you don't usually use to write with. This helps to reach your vulnerable spot - the one that's not in control and has no limits. The sense of pain may not happen immediately, but you will be a step further towards it. This has become a lifelong assignment for me3 as it helps me to reach the parts that nothing else can.Allow yourself the gift of expressing your sadness. It won't go away by ignoring it; it will always stay with you until you express it. Indulge in the pain that lies behind the anger. Hold yourself tight as you let the tears out. Let go of the past. The more you let out, the more you will heal. Letting the tears out will free you from being stuck in the past. Imagine tears as the currency of healing - the more you let out, the more you will heal. Tears do not signify weakness; they signify trapped pain. Allow yourself to mourn what you have lost. Letting out your pain will lead to a state of forgiveness of yourself and others. The more pain you release, the less frightening the-feelings will become, and this will allow you to stop running from your fears.
Your sadness may dispel in hours but, for some of us who have suffered from chronic depression, it may be a long progression. What you will be delighted to discover is that it is the road home. Releasing the pain will only bring you closer to your birthright of happiness and contentment.
Don't worry if you don't reach the anger or pain immediately. Remember the attributes of denial and you will understand that your psyche will take you as far as you will go, only opening up the next layer when you are ready.
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How To Overcome Depression with a Journal or Videotape
When you are under the oppressive weight of depression, write about it. Writing down the way you feel and what you think is comforting and will give you a sense of someone listening to you. Write the words as they flow from your heart to your fingers and allow them to spill out onto the page. This small achievement is enough to make a difference. It will help you to feel a little comfort when all else seems lost.
Having a beautiful journal to hand in which you can write helps you feel special because your words are being cherished. Writing when you need to can sometimes lead you to the reasons you feel depressed. As you write, let the words drop out of you as they come. Don't alter them to make more sense or to try to make them say what you think they should say. Simply let them be, with no judgement. Then re-read them and notice the feelings that appear in you. Don't judge the feelings but simply allow them to pass.
You can also use audio or videotape. Set up a machine into which you can talk. Speak as if you are talking to someone you can trust with all your secrets. As you talk, get to the bottom of how you are feeling. Allow yourself as much time as you need. Any machine that will play back what you have said is good enough - a Dictaphone is perfect. Once you have said all you want to say, play it back to yourself .You will be surprised at the results.
While you are doing this, begin to identify what makes you feel 'guilt' and what makes you feel 'shame'.These are two common themes we encompass if we are depressed.
Guilt is when we feel bad about 'what we have done'. Guilt lets us know there is something we need to address. It indicates that there is something about the way we have behaved that has had a negative effect on others. Staying stuck in the guilt keeps us from our sadness and we feel apart from others. Know that there is something we can 'do' to address our guilt.
Shame is when we feel bad about 'who we are'. We feel the core of us is bad but we cannot put our finger on why we feel like this. We feel shame for not being good enough, for letting others down, for needing others, for not taking care of our responsibilities. At its worst, shame tells us that we don't
When you have said everything you want to say at that moment you will most likely realize that it wasn't as much as you thought it was going to be. The central point of your depression can often be summarized in a paragraph. It is surprising how simple the problem seems when you play it back. In listening to yourself, solutions will come to you. You will gain a sense of being heard, and this will help relieve the immensity of the despair for a little while.
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Having a beautiful journal to hand in which you can write helps you feel special because your words are being cherished. Writing when you need to can sometimes lead you to the reasons you feel depressed. As you write, let the words drop out of you as they come. Don't alter them to make more sense or to try to make them say what you think they should say. Simply let them be, with no judgement. Then re-read them and notice the feelings that appear in you. Don't judge the feelings but simply allow them to pass.
You can also use audio or videotape. Set up a machine into which you can talk. Speak as if you are talking to someone you can trust with all your secrets. As you talk, get to the bottom of how you are feeling. Allow yourself as much time as you need. Any machine that will play back what you have said is good enough - a Dictaphone is perfect. Once you have said all you want to say, play it back to yourself .You will be surprised at the results.
While you are doing this, begin to identify what makes you feel 'guilt' and what makes you feel 'shame'.These are two common themes we encompass if we are depressed.
Guilt is when we feel bad about 'what we have done'. Guilt lets us know there is something we need to address. It indicates that there is something about the way we have behaved that has had a negative effect on others. Staying stuck in the guilt keeps us from our sadness and we feel apart from others. Know that there is something we can 'do' to address our guilt.
Shame is when we feel bad about 'who we are'. We feel the core of us is bad but we cannot put our finger on why we feel like this. We feel shame for not being good enough, for letting others down, for needing others, for not taking care of our responsibilities. At its worst, shame tells us that we don't
When you have said everything you want to say at that moment you will most likely realize that it wasn't as much as you thought it was going to be. The central point of your depression can often be summarized in a paragraph. It is surprising how simple the problem seems when you play it back. In listening to yourself, solutions will come to you. You will gain a sense of being heard, and this will help relieve the immensity of the despair for a little while.
If You Want Immediate Anxiety Relief, Check Out Our New Natural Technique To Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!
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