Tuesday, 25 November 2008

A simple example of confronting an external authority

Your goal may be to stop allowing yourself to feel humiliated when a colleague talks to you as though you were a delinquent teenager.

In this scenario you know that you react like a delinquent teenager, sticking two fingers up behind her back as she leaves the office or sinking into a ball of shame so that you hang your head for the rest of the day. So, you need to prepare yourself to approach the whole setup with a different frame of mind. Practice your preferred response in the mirror or with a friend until you get the right feeling in you. Next time the colleague comes in with the patronizing look on her face, draw yourself up tall, perhaps stand up as she comes in, and respond to her in the way you would imagine a prime minister, for instance, to respond - with authority and firmness. Watch with interest the way your colleague changes. Accept the change with grace because you have forced it. Note the difference you feel as she is slightly on her back foot - she is used to dealing with you in one way but you have now changed your reaction to the way she speaks to you. She may not even be able to put her finger on what has changed, because you are saying the same words but in a different way. But you know what has changed, and you will soar with confidence at your courage in responding to her differently.

What your goal doesn't need to include are things about the other person. For example, this exercise is not about destroying that person, humiliating them or trying to get them to say or do something you want them to do. You don't need to confront your colleague by telling her that you are sick and tired of being treated like a child and that if she doesn't do something about it you are going to report her. You shouldn't start a whispering campaign or sending anonymous letters - it has been known! This is not a clean or progressive course of action.



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